Boss Ikari
by lawless priest
Summary: summary: Shinji and the eva cast run a mob squad and work to take over the yakuza, triads and just about everyone else.
1. the story of a devil

summary: Shinji and the eva cast run a mob squad and work to take over the yakuza, triads and just about everyone else.

AN: Oh, if your looking for a plot, stop now. I got nothing for you. What happens, happens. What goes down, goes down, and what goes up... yeah, yeah whatever. The plot is in the moment, it's within the second. Basically it's in the time it takes me to think up something when I'm shoveling Yebisu Dry down my throat. Now for the story. /AN

AN: All, that was a lie so pay no attention to the rambling. Anno and Gainax owns EVA, not me. /AN

/Boss Ikari/

- lawless priest -

01 - the story of a devil

My name is Ikari, Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Anyway, every since my 21st birthday, my father forced me to take the reins of the family business, things around here have become... extremely weird. But whatever, I take it as just another day in this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.

--------------------------

It was another eternally sunny day in the third city of Tokyo and life was carrying on normally for all. For me this meant waking up to the screams, yells, and threats of bodily harm to my person by one perpetually pissed of half German bomb shell, known as Asuka Langely Sohryu. I took it in stride as I always do, making it down to the main floor of my bar, _Casual Chaos,_ without venting my anger and killing everyone in site.

Sometimes I wonder if father didn't assign Asuka to my clan just for the sole purpose of annoying the hell out of me as payback for all those years of being a weak, spineless punk. I wouldn't put it passed him. He really was demented. Ever since mom died he just went off the deep end and raised the bastard meter up ten fold, and with no one to piss off, his schemes always ended up on me.

But whatever, no more day dreaming. I had work to do. Most of the Clan was already there, so I headed to the bar and ordered a drink. Maybe 7:25 was too early for you to drink, but if you grew up with the people I did, you wouldn't be saying that. So after I let out my morning battle cry and proclaimed to the world that, indeed, I, Shinji Ikari was alive and awake, I turned to my companions to discuss the days business.

"Morning Boss."

"Sup, Boss."

"Good morning Boss Ikari, sir."

"Good morning Ikari-kun."

"Bout time, Ikari!"

Ah, yes, the morning greetings. Another routine formality that strives to bring some sense of normality back into my life. "Good morning. Anything interesting on the days agenda?"

"No, sir." Hikari Horaki, one of my Lieutenants and probably the only reason things even worked around here, answered.

"Well then, I'm going back to sleep, until something blows up don't call me." I really needed more sleep, especially after that thing Toji and Ken had tried last night, but I'm not going to get into that. I'd need some Asprins and some Scotch to nurse it down before I start on that, but anyway, sleep, yes sleep. It was the most important thing on my agenda.

"So what are we supposed to do until then?" the German red head screamed.

I was too irritated to think straight so I said the first thing that came to mind. "Whatever the hell you want."

Kensuke and Toji just gave each other looks then nodded. Asuka smiled, or smirked evilly, call it what you will. Rei did nothing and Hikari gave me a "Hai, understood, sir."

Now looking back on it all. That was one of the dumbest moves of my life. Seriously, if I had known what foolishness those idiots could get into in only a few hours, I swear I would have just shot them all where they stood and been done with it.

'Sigh...'

But I didn't know, because I wasn't thinking.

/BI/

A soft monotone woke me. "Ikari-kun."

"Rei? What time is it?"

"9:45."

"I thought I told you not to wake up until something blew up?"

"Correct, several things have blown up, so therefore I have not broken your orders."

It took a few seconds for my brain to actually process what my ears had reported, but when it did.

"What! Where the hell is Asuka, Toji and Kensuke?"

"Sohryu is at one of the hangouts of the Kodama Clan attempting to raze it and its occupants and Misters Suzuhara and Aida were last seen stealing top secret military equipment from the facilities that our intelligence agents reported on a few days ago."

"And what about Hikari?"

"She went to act as damage control for Sohryu, but I doubt that she will get far."

"Damnit, damnit! Alright, I want Section - 2 on those stooges ASAP. I mean, who the hell do they think they are anyway? Don't they know that that stuff can be traced back to the clan. If the military starts getting on my case my father's going to kick my ass. Aghhh!"

"And what about Sohryu and Ms. Horaki?"

I paused then gave the evil smirk that I learned courtesy of my father. "Send Agent Kaji."

Rei only raised an eyebrow. "Of course sir, but wouldn't it be more appropriate to send Ms. Katsuragi instead?"

"No, but you did just give me an idea. Ken and Toji will probably dodge the Section 2 agents, so send Misato after them instead. Those drooling idiots won't be able to get past her."

As Rei went about her business, I racked my brain trying to find someway to fix the mess that my people had just created.

/BI/

People say that God's wrath is a force to be reckoned with, and I say no shit. Some also say that hell have no fury like a women scorned, but every male from 5 to 72 knows that. The ones higher don't care anymore. All of these sayings were fundamentally true, but there's one, one saying that effects me far more than any by poets of days long past. One very simple, very effective and extremely vital to my person than all others. And it goes...

don't piss off Asuka.

"SHINJI NO BAKA!"

'Sigh'

I said it was simple, simple to understand, but very hard to accomplish.

"Asuka, I'm sorry, but you can't just go shooting off the balls of the Son's of Yakuza bosses just because they were eying you up. It's not good policy for the clan."

We were standing in front of the place that Asuka had tried to bring down, some of the occupants were outside watching us. You could tell they were mad... and afraid. Asuka had a serious reputation.

"Oh, and letting hentai punks like those weak boys over there undressing me with their eyes is!" Her eye's glowed with a supernatural light that I shied away from instantly. Experience does that to you.

"She has a point, sir." Hikari said from the side, looking both ashamed and proud of her friend. I don't know how that worked out and I didn't care. These two were going to get me killed.

"You damn right, I have a point! Now then Ikari, what are you going to do about it?"

'Sigh'

Welcome to the start of another day of in the life of one Shinji Ikari, son and heir to the Ikari Clan crime family, known to the denizens of the Underworld as the Third Child, even if none of them know what the hell that meant, but the oddness of the name and the fear that the Ikari name brought with it, instilled terror in the hearts of those who spoke it, but mainly because the name Sohryu always seemed to follow it.

"How do I get myself in these situations." I asked myself. "Oh, yes! How could I forget." It had been three years ago, well more like seven, when my father had assigned Ryouji Kaji, who had been a legend in the crime world for years because of his assassin and spying skills, to be my personal trainer. Before it had just been my father's Section 2 Agents, those shadowy figures that followed me around like night to the moon, but in truth they had nothing on Kaji.

It was back in those days that my father had been a real bastard. He hadn't changed much over the years, but his respect for me had grown since then, or maybe it was his tolerance. Non-the-less, he had always been on my case about how weak I was and how unfit I was to lead the clan. Now I admit, back then, I was one spineless kid. I was afraid of nearly everything, especially father, but I wanted out, I wanted to be more, to be better and with Kaji's help, I did.

For four years we trained, weight lifting, weapons training, martial arts and strategy with the help of Misato Katsuragi. I knew she was hot, but for some reason I just didn't see her the way every other male in the Clan did, particularly Kaji. It was probably because I'd know her for so long and how nice she had always been to me when I was young. But when I went with Kaji to train with her, I found out just how much of a bitch she could really be, but it was cool.

Those years with Kaji and Misato had been the best years of my life since before mother was assassinated. With their help I was fast on my way to becoming a man in my own right, rather than being just another dumb rich son to some crime lord. I was going to be a crime boss and would finally show father just how much I was worth.

Now it was on my eighteenth birthday that my life started its path towards destruction. I look back on it now and wonder how it could have been going so well only to fall apart the way it had.

My father, that bastard probably set it up, had decided to help with my ambitions, even though the word 'help' never came out of his mouth, I knew the man well enough to know what he was doing.

My present came by the name of Rei Ayanami, an assassin trained by my father for years, apparently for the soul purpose to one day become my personal guard and soldier. I would go into detail about how shocked I was to have this beautiful blue haired death goddess be appointed to my service, but that would take more time than I have. The longer I take to day dream about the past the more wrath I'm going to ensue in Asuka.

So, anyway, a gorgeous, quiet, extremely talented ass kicking bass player joins my band and I do a few solos for the bathroom crowd for the low, low price of $free.99.

Back to the point. Now with Rei in the squad I went in search of more luckless bastards to add to my team, Which I happened to find in one Toji Suzahara and another Kensuke Aida, two up and coming Section 2 agents that Kaji had told me about. We hit it off pretty well and for the moment my personal mob squad was complete and ready to cause some havoc.

Now, on a personal note, I am not a violent person. I don't take pleasure in the pain of others and I don't like to revel in someone else's down fall, but damnit, to prove to my father that I was not a spineless, useless child, I was prepared to take on Godzilla, preferably with the help of the Japanese military and a few N2 mines. No use using nukes. I wasn't in the business of making the fool creature stronger.

For awhile, things were good. My squad was coming up. A few jobs here, a few bank robberies there and with the 'investments' that I had set up things were looking good for the EVA squad. Yep the EVA squad. That's the nick name I gave my group. If you have a problem with it you can take it up with Rei and end up like the rest of those punks who thought they could rag on my individuality. Dr Akaji's always looking for test dummies and guinea pigs for her 'experiments'. I'd be happy to introduce you punks to her, What was that? '...' Thought so.

Again, anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. So, it was good for awhile, but somewhere along the way my father said something to me one day at dinner that seemed innocent and truthful, that I should take heed of. I don't know how I forgot that nothing my father says is innocent and truthful or how I should pay heed enough to keep the hell away from it.

There he was at the table, hands steepled before him, blocking most of his face except for those damn shades. I want shades like that man. 'Sigh'

"Your little clan is incomplete, You have no one capable enough to take on more aggressive operations. Eventfully this will be your end." He said all of this in that dead tone he always uses as if he was Shinigamihimself.

I told Kaji this one day and he said that "I think I know just the person. It's been a while since I've seen her, but on the job she's a force to be reckoned with." He should have said that off the job she still a force to be reckoned with, but no, he failed to impart that tidbit of info.

A few weeks later Asuka Langely Sohryu, the Red Devil and another Section 2 agent Hikari Horaki joined the Clan. You'd think with a name like Red Devil I would have been weary of her, but I'm a little ashamed to say that... I really wasn't paying attention to any of that. Now, there are only so many words in dictionary and so many ways to describe Asuka. The words crazy, and bitch tend to jump out at you first, 'sigh' but the words gorgeous, beautiful, goddess and will you marry me, soon follow. When we met, the latter were going through my mind at the time.

I pay for my mistake every single morning, as a reminder that 1.) I should never listen to my father, 2.) pay more attention to people rather than getting lost in their eyes. and 3.) sleep with ear muffs.

"IKARI!"

'Ok, focus. Asuka's not going to be satisfied until she sees blood and those Kodama guys are looking pretty pissed. I still have to deal with Ken and Toji. Wait a minute?'

"Kaji?"

"Hai?" The unshaven man answered as I walked up to him.

"How many agents do you have hiding around this place? "

"About twenty five, why?"

"How many guys do you think are in that Kodama place?" I was still thinking, hoping things would work out the way I wanted them to.

"About fifteen, maybe more. You want to rush them?" he asked.

I nodded. "This place, it has strategic value and this block could be useful too." I gave a few quick glances at the place surveying it.

"I'd have to make some calls afterward to deal with the rest of the block. This still is Kodama territory, you know. They would want to start something."

"Doesn't matter. Their clan isn't that big, we could deal with them, maybe even take them over and bring them in. I just need to know if it's feasible?"

"Probably, the hard part would be dealing with them after we've got them in our clan, but yeah, we could do it."

"Then do it."

"Sure." he grinned and went off to get his people.

"Asuka." I called walking back towards the two girls.

"What, Ikari?"

"You'll get what you want. Hikari, were taking out this place and then we'll hold up here for awhile until Kaji can get some reinforcements. The Kodama clan is going down."

"Um, ok, sir." She looked a little surprised.

"Ah, Shinji-kun, you do care." Asuka smiled a genuine smile and her eyes had took on this dreamy look. It was beginning to become hard not to get lost in them. 'Focus, man! Focus!'

"Um, yeah... of course I do Asuka." I said sheepishly. 'gotta change the subject.'

"Um... Sir..."

'Thank you, Hikari.'

"... don't you think we 'll need more people than just the three of us. " It was easy to tell she was skeptical.

"Don't worry about it. We have all we need."

"Yeah, we can do it. No punk Kodama is going to stop us. Come on, it's time to get these bastards." She had that evil smirk back, walking defiantly up to the enemy.

They say wars are started for two reasons... money and women. It seems I was going for both. Ah, but whatever, just another day in Tokyo - 3.


	2. bringing down the house

/Boss Ikari/

- lawless priest -

02 - bringing down the house

My name is Ikari, Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Anyway, every since my 21st birthday, my father forced me to take the reins of the family business, things around here have become... extremely weird. But whatever, I take it as just another day in this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.

--------------------------

A bullet flew by my head, a few of them actually, causing me to duck to the side to avoid their path. As this happened, I asked myself a brief question, 'What am I doing here?' I took a shot at the guy who was aiming at me while I contemplated a proper response. Before I could even answer the first one someone else shot at me and a new question ,which was not so brief, was added. 'Not just what am I doing here, why am I here doing what I'm doing here?'

Images of a devilish red head and a demon's cold eyed stare answered. 'Oh, yeah, that. Why do they always get me in trouble.'

One of Kaji's men threw me a signal and a question. I in turn threw him one. He snickered and a few of his friends smiled. Smiling myself while Asuka rolled her eyes, I put my middle finger down and gave him a real one, confirming the plan. We were standing beside a doorway that lead to another hallway in side of a Kodama controlled building. Him on one side, me on the other, both with our guns ready for any type of assault.

There were others behind us along with my crew all in our special combat gear that Dr. Akagi called a plug suit or something or another. I wasn't actually paying attention when she was explaining them. There were too many jokes running through my head, starting with the words plug and suit and images of something red that was nice and plump, along with maybe a little blue that was lithe, yet satisfying. I even think Ms. Ibuki's name came up somewhere in the mist of all that, too.

Obviously I was spending way too much time with Aida and Suzuhara. Those late night movie sessions were getting out of hand anyway. When your father starts joining in on your 'movie fun' that should tell you that you need to quit. Anyway, back to the story, there were some more Section 2 guys with us, some of them guarding the way we had just come in.

The plan was simple. The hall split, leading left and right and a straight path forward, which was held by the enemy in the doorways of said hall. The paths leading left and right were empty and ready for the taking.

A Section 2 agent tossed a flash bang through the door and we covered our eyes. While the enemy was blinded my people followed me out and to the left as a few S-2 agents went right, while the others covered for us. We moved swiftly, silently checking for Kodama's as we went, weapons out and ready. Our mission was clear. We were deep in the building and the head of the Kodama clan was somewhere up ahead. We would finish this here and now.

This was the fourth enemy held building my team had personally infiltrated like this in the week. Section 2 had done their own share of raids as well, further weakening the enemy. Soon it'd all be over and I could get back all the sleep I'd lost from having to deal with those stooges and planning the fall of the Kodama Clan. But most importantly Asuka's bloodlust would finally be sated and I wouldn't have to worry about her making my life a living hell for a while.

I had allowed her to 'question' some of the more aggressive enemy men who had resisted capture. There was a rumor fly around, that I was completely unaware of and had nothing to do with what-so-ever, that the great Second Child happened to be into S&M. Hell, I even had money on it, but that little tid bit of info doesn't go further than you or me. I'd hate to have to hurt one of my readers if they were to repeat said info to a certain red head German explosive specialist. I have no intention of have my genitals strand to a pack of c4, so just keep it to yourselves, alright? Alright.

Still, I'm positive it would be an interesting experience, even if I know none of them would enjoy it. Asuka's not the type to run around with the common rabble, so I wasn't worried about that. She wouldn't 'degrade' herself for the likes of them, but she would tease the heel of them, which is its own sort of torture.

Sorry. I'm not focusing. Hold on a second...

'Ok, ok, let's do this, focus, focus man. Focus! FOCUS DAMNIT!'

Alright, I'm ready. No more digressing form here on out. I swear. Now back to the impending butt kicking of the Kodama men.

Speaking of which, one of those idiots just opened a door right in front of me. Before he even had a chance to react I kicked him in his face right back in the room. He never even touched the ground before Rei, who was at my side with her Nerv issue MP5 SMG, and I emptied our clips into him and his startled comrades. None of them even had time to pull up their weapons. It was a clean kill for us, but it made them look like fools. After checking the room for smurfs and spray painting -Kodama's Suck!- in big letters all over the room and the downed men we continued on our path as if nothing happened.

We walked calmly, not letting the situation get to us as the sound of gun fire permeated the air throughout the building. That ending when some punk up ahead screamed at the top of his lungs that 'Jiggly Puff was the greatest Pokemon, ever!' and then proceeded to run around the nearest corner. At the intersection I sent Horaki to disperse our justice along with Aida and Suzuhara to give support. Everyone knows Squirtle has Jiggly Puff beat.

At any rate, Hikari would be able to keep the stooges inline. I didn't want to think about what kind of trouble they would get into if I left them alone. They hated Pokemon with a passion and I almost felt sorry for that guy. Almost. I was still trying to clean up the mess they had created last time. Thank god for a certain scantly clad, beer chugging arms dealer and military tactician or we would never have stopped those dupes. I was sure Hikari could handle them, or if not give them a messy burial.

Asuka and Rei were with me, as always. They would have insisted anyway. One believing I would be too weak to dish out righteous ass kickings without her help. I don't know where she got that idea. I am a culinary artist. You see, the secret to a nice ripe and juicy ass kicking is to properly dish out juusst the right amount. You wouldn't want it to taste flat, now would you? And as for the other, well, she was just there to add a touch of quiet fury and a dash of restrained annoyance to the mix, for flavor of course. I really wasn't in the mood for an argument right now. So I said nothing and just moved on, planning my own recipe for desert as I went.

We ran into fools a plenty along the way who fell easily to the combined fire power and determination of The Red Menace and Wonder Girl. My Berrettas added their own particular mix to the party as we mowed down the enemy on our way.

Currently I was ducked behind a desk, trading fire with the some of the room's previous occupants in a vie for dominance for vice in this part of town. Most of the residents of the building I resided in had been dealt with some time ago, but apparently they had called in for backup before the fight started. Not surprising and not unprepared for.

The Kodama Clan men seemed to be very pissed off that someone was challenging them, and a bit afraid of who it happened to be. Obviously they didn't know who Asuka and Hikari were when they came by a week ago. No doubt, all they had saw was another pretty pair of panties to play with, one of them a red head at that!

'Idiots'

I never liked the Kodama guys. They always rubbed me the wrong way. Honestly, they were a small group and had no real power. A few blocks and a few businesses were under their protection, but nothing of real consequence. The one thing that really got me about them was... they simply had no style. Everything they did was taken from us. Their style of dress, the weird futuristic pseudo MIB wear with the cool jackets with the weird triangle like clasp thingy that was part of our signature dress code, these punks copied it and ruined it with oddly bright color patterns and a synthetic alligator skin like cloth. It just threw the eyes.

Even how they structured their organization by trying to use our cold, impersonal, super secret, UN chartered like military names for our groups. I mean what the hell is a Section 462? I doubt even they do. They even sampled our name, adding the brotherhood like 'Clan' to their weak group. Their Boss isn't even named Kodama and I don't think any of them ever were!

Those unimaginative lames thought that if they copied my righteous family's ways that they could somehow become as superior as us. I know that sounds conceited, ok well, it is conceited, but damnit it's true. It's an insult to my mother and all of that she had thought up.

And besides, those punks thought they could just look at my red heads without permission and that is something that I can not abide. I admit these weren't the smartest reasons to hate someone, but hey, they were shooting at me, so right now, I don't give a sheist.

"Hey Ikari! Are you going to sit there day dreaming or are you going to kill somebody, already? I'd swear you were a Dummkopf!"

'Well, I guess I did pick the wrong time for a little self introspection.'

I didn't waste time to answer the German's question. I merely sited a fool and as they say capped a fool. They really were starting to piss me off. One of the enemy gunmen, who had been lucky enough to actually make it into the room without a full clip in his back side, was hiding by a toppled table humming 'Fly me to the moon'.

I shot him, and quick too.

Not because he was humming during a gun fight. No. I do that myself some times. It was because he was humming 'Fly me to the moon'. I hate that song, with a passion. Now Beethoven's 'The ode to joy' or some Canon in D, yeah, I could understand that or any other song, but 'Fly me to the moon'? No, you can keep that. You can keep it or get shot, your choice.

"Fly me to the moon, yeah, I'll fly you to moon. You guys riding first class or coach?" I screamed at the fools as the loud clasps of my guns answered the calls of their own. This whole scene was getting boring. I was going to have to do something soon before ...

"Mein Gott! These Dummkopfs aren't even a challenge!"

"Why does she always interrupt my musing?"

"You tend to muse at inappropriate times, Ikari-Kun. In her twisted mind it is her way of warning you."

"Hey, I heard that Wonder Girl!"

"I would be worried if you had not Sohryu. I have become skeptical of your hearing capabilities of late. You tend not to hear orders when you are addressed."

"Wow, that's the most I've heard you say in a week." Asuka replied a bit shocked. I was as well, but the bullets flying overhead, held most of my attention. Even with my concentration on surviving and the constant danger of death so near I didn't fail to note the colorful derogatory explications and other critical oaths being tossed at the blue haired girl when the half German girl remembered how Rei had just slighted her.

With my back to the desk protecting me I slapped a new clip in my pistols while holding my own Nerv MP5 SMG ready, I took out a grenade. Pulling the pin and tossing it, I got ready. The resulting explosion shut off all of the unwanted commotion but the sound of my sub machine gun going off, with Rei's and Asuka's only a few seconds behind soon filled the void.

Just then someone screamed out. "Hey, I find a smurf!"

"I'll trade you a digimon for it"

"Hell, no!" He declined, so I shot him, picking up my new smurf on my way out.

We wasted no time now, taking out the enemy without hesitation. I would turn a corner on one knee while Asuka stood over me blasting any offenders insight in sync and Rei acted as rear guard. It was almost surprising how fast we made it to our destination. When we were done a large concentration of dead guards laid at odd angles on the floor outside of a once heavily guarded red door. I held my gun ready and moved toward the door. Asuka took up a point position and Rei took out a flash grenade. Asuka gave the signal and I opened the door. Rei's grenade dispersed it's load and Asuka went in blazing. I was right behind her.

There were twelve men in the room and one more in a suit with colors that clashed so much I could have sworn he was a flash grenade himself. Any one in the room who opted to fire was dealt with swiftly. I took out three as I came in, their guns just coming around and Asuka was on her fourth, her shots tearing into their heads and upper body. Rei laid waste to three more on her way in, leaving only three more.

When they could see again, the site of one extremely pissed off German red head, a slightly annoyed red eyed Japanese girl with strange blue hair and one cold eyed, brown haired man all with sub machine guns pointed at their heads, except for the German, she had hers pointed at the brightly dressed man's lower regions, nearly made them Sheist their pants. And I did just say Sheist. Hell, I'll say it again too. Sheist! Oh, wait I said no digressing. Gomen, gomen. Yeah, anyway, he hastily put a hand over said regions out of reflex, somehow believing his think hands would prevent the incoming bullet. Yeah, right.

"It's the Third Child!" One said as he gasped.

"Screw that, it's the Second Child too!" Another seconded.

"I never thought that the First Child would be so... cute."

This third comment earned him the stares of all present. Each wondering what had he been smoking of late.

"What?" He said a little abashed, while Rei sweat dropped, blushing a bit. I just shook my head. Asuka looked even more POd than normal, muttering something about damned Dummkopfs and Arschlochs.

"Anyway, this is it. Your operation's finished so just give up now and quit wasting our time." I said trying to end this without further bloodshed. What? Why are you looking at me like that? I told you guys I was a nice guy and I don't like violence. What... you're telling me you weren't listening! Oh, hell no. Don't make me come over there. Fanfiction or not, I have a SMG, a few semi automatic weapons and plenty of explosives over here, so don't piss me off, alright!

'Sigh...'

Like, I was saying, I don't like violence, so I was trying to let them off easy, but that pot smoking guy from before cut in before I could finished.

"You know, aren't you guys a bit late. I mean, we've been waiting for a about an hour and a half or so. Don't you think it's a bit rude to keep us sweating like that." He dusted off his dark blue jacket, probably the only one in the room whose color wasn't out of some kinder gardener's coloring book, and smoothed it out.

"I'm sorry. Your people should've given better directions. I guess the automatic weapon aimed at their testicles had them distracted." I retorted sarcastically out of irritation. Here I was trying to help this idiot out and he's over here making wise cracks.

"Well, I can see how that could be a problem. In any case, so," He said flippantly. "you're the Third Child, eh? Hmm, you don't look like much. Not like your companions here." A warm smirk crossed his features as he gazed over them and their rather form fitting combat body armor while running a hand through his dark roughish hair. This guy acted worse than Kaji after a night at the bar in the ladies room.

"So, Second Child, right?" The guy said, turning towards Asuka. "You want to go back to my place for some extra lessons. I can tutor you in PE."

"Do I look like a child to you, BAKA! Tutor, me in PE? That wasn't even just a lame line, it was stupid. Like I'm too dumb to learn PE on my own, so I have to get EXTRA LESSONS!" You should've seen the look on her face. It was almost as if she was too exasperated to murder the bastard.

"You either insult me right, or you don't insult me at all, ARSCHLOCH!" Asuka's cry made everyone back up a step and the fool in the blue tried to stammer an apology, while Rei added another sweat drop to her collection.

"Who... the hell... are you?" I asked while trying to keep my self calm. Father says you must always keep calm. If you're in an annoying situation where you're supposed to be fuming, if you stay cool as hell and as calm as Ice, it'll scare the smurf out of the punks. I remember wanting to slap those shades off that bastard for saying that crap out load and being serious about it, but his words did stick.

"Me?" He asked, looking surprised. I mean who else would I be talking to. "Oh, well I'm Juntaro Saito, Boss Saito's Son." Juntaro said puffing out his chest.

"Oh," I said, before I pumped half a clip into him. "I just wanted to know who I was shooting." Rei calmed down and Asuka smiled, or smirked evilly. I'm still trying to figure out which.

"Does anybody else have anything else stupid to say?" I asked. The other two Kodama men looked sheepish. "I'm serious, right now, anything? Because I swear if you do after this I'll shoot you bastards."

No one said anything. "Good."

I sighed and took a calming breath. Looking at the brightly dress man before me I got back to business. "You, are you Boss Saito, the head of the Kodama Clan?"

"Well, actually, no. He was attacked by one his famed pocket monsters yesterday after he tried to trade it for a papa smurf.

"Yeah, those pocket monsters can be real vicious if you annoy them." Asuka, who was an avid collect, said from the side line.

'Papa smurf, eh? He actually found someone willing to trade one? Hmm, I'm going to need to have a nice chat with this guy later.'

"It was really a shame. We lost nearly all of our men and business over to your people that same day. Some us think it was some kind of omen. I'm Minoru Arakawa, by the way. Juntaro is actually the head of the Clan, or was." We took a look a the dead pot smoking pervert.

"Oh, well, can you tell your men to stop resisting so we can end this? We don't actually want to kill all of you."

"S-Sure." He stuttered, as he went about his business I addressed the other man.

"And you are?"

"Ichiro."

"Ichiro, what?"

"Just Ichiro."

"Whatever. Are there anymore higher ups around here? It's best if we pacify their anxiety now rather than later. At least we can keep the coups down to a minimum, eh?" Ichiro gave a thin smile at this and showed me a side door that lead further into the building. Hikari decided that moment to make her appearance.

"The Kodama men have cease fire, sir. Kaji and his men are rounding them up as we speak."

"Good, did you find that Jiggy Puff fanatic?" She nodded. "Sweet, I want him taken to Dr. Akagi when we're done here. I'm sure she can find a use for him." I was just about to leave, when I remembered the other Kodama man in the room. "Hikari, you stay here and watch over Mr. Arakawa. Get some Section 2 agents up here to guard this place. You're in charge for the moment if anyone asks. Make sure everything goes smoothly alright?"

"Hai."

I motioned Asuka and Rei to follow me and Ichiro as we headed toward the back room. Ichiro open the door and we came right behind him, ready for any surprises. We weren't ready enough. The site that greeted us was nothing like what I had expected. It was the Kodama Clan's crown jewels. There in front of me were three women who could have made JPop Idols jealous. Luckily, the Kodama women didn't have their male counterparts fashion sense and the highly priced attire fit them almost as well as Asuka's and Rei's plug suits. The fact that they kept eying my own outfit made me a little self conscious.

A look from Ichiro brought my attention back to the present. "Third Child, let me introduce you. This is Lady Akira, Boss Saito's wife and his daughters Megumi and Sunja Saito." The three women stood as they were called with varying expressions. Lady Akira looked wearied while her daughters looked a bit annoyed.

"So this is the Third Child, the prince of the Ikari Clan." The elder Saito spoke. She had that direct way of speaking that my father had. A hard women no doubt. "I guess you're here to claim your prize, ne?"

"Nothing so melodramatic as that. I've just come to make sure this ends now rather than later." Looking into her eyes I could see she understood what I was saying.

"Yes, I see. We wouldn't want my son to go out and do something foolish and get himself killed."

"I'm afraid it's a little late for that." That got their attention. The mother looked even more vexed than before, but the other two looked.... overjoyed? Whatever, weird family.

"I see. I guess he couldn't keep his mouth shut."

"That's an understatement." Asuka and Megumi Saito said in unison.

"As I told Mr. Arakawa we are not here to kill you all, just to end this. I'm sure we can work something out between our people." This caught the elder woman off guard. She was obviously expecting something cruel, rather than mercy. My father was the model of what a ruthless crime lord was supposed to be back in his day. He hadn't changed much sense then.

"You are not what I was expecting Mr. Ikari. Your clan's reputation aside I'm not sure if you're more dangerous this way or how I had perceived." She smiled at this, her eyes calculating. "This could get very interesting."

"Yes I'm sure. Now if you'll follow me, we can go somewhere more appropriate to discus these matters, eh." We all began to file out then, with the younger Saito's giving me questioning looks, trying to size me up. One of them, Sunja I think, kept looking at my crotch. I turned back to take a quick look around the room so she wouldn't see my blush. I didn't miss Rei and Asuka's irritated look and Megumi's approving glance at my back side. 'I just killed their brother, taken over all of their business and all they can do is look at my butt? Sigh... whatever. I wonder if Boss Saito has any smurfs hidden around here.' I thought before I left.

What did I expect. It was just another day in Tokyo - 3.


	3. a new day in Tokyo 3

/Boss Ikari/

- lawless priest -

03 - A new day in Tokyo 3

My name is Ikari, Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Anyway, every since my 21st birthday, my father forced me to take the reins of the family business, things around here have become... extremely weird. But whatever, I take it as just another day in this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.

--------------------------

It had been a week or so since the whole Kodama thing and me and Asuka had started to got along pretty good. I don't know if it was something to do with that pot smoking Kodama jerk I shot or just the mood or something. It really didn't matter to me because there I was, neck deep in tan German goodness. The wine and the music helped too, but we really weren't paying much attention to either. You could say our full attention was directed towards each other, or shall I say parts of each other.

It was getting good. Her moans were very encouraging and she had the cutest little look on her face. I smiled at her, basking in her glow. There was something I wanted to say. Something that I had wanted to say a long time ago, but we had never been close enough for the words to really mean anything. But now, now the time was right. Now I had finally gain enough courage to express how I felt to this woman beneath me.

"Asuka, I..."

"BAKA SHINJI! IT'S TIME TO GET UP. YOU DON'T HAVE ALL DAY TO WASTE!"

"It is time to rise Ikari-kun. There are things that must be done and we will be late if this continues."

No! Everything was fading! The red head was floating away, leaving only wisp of fiery red hair in her wake. No! I was so close. So close!

"IKARI! WAKE UP!"

The resounding slap reverberated throughout the room and did a fine job, and I mean a FINE JOB of waking me from my blissful slumber. After my body had ceased its twitching and I had regained full motor control I addressed the two dominate women in my life, both of whom just happed to be in my bed room. What a coincidence.

"Asuka, Rei?" I asked quietly, waiting until I had their full attention. "Why did you slap me Asuka and Rei what have I told you about waking me up this early in the morning?"

"I slapped you so you'd wake up, baka. What did you expect."

"You have repeatedly told me to leave you be sir, but it is very late and there is work to be done."

The two stood there, there reasons stated and somewhat valid. There was nothing I could do. What happens, happens, so with this in mind I proceeded with the only option that I had been given. I rose from my bed and began to dress myself, taking special care to do everything calmly. It helps to be calm when you have two very cute young women eyeing you while you get dressed in front of them.

It didn't cross my mind to ask them to leave. They would have refused anyway, saying that I wasn't capable enough to get dressed alone or that I might need help.

After I put on my shirt, which seemed to distressed them for some reason, I headed over to my night stand. Inside was a simple necklace, with a silver cross given to me by my one time guardian, Misato, as a coming of age present. Once I had that on I loaded and cocked my berretta and offered them my thanks for their generosity.

The two wasted no time getting out of my room as my bullets and my rants for them to 'never wake me up ever again' followed in their wake. They set off at a dead run down the hall, one with her beautiful athletic legs in a perfect sprint and the other as she made a graceful getaway, as I fired, my shots barley missing them as they took a quick corner.

"Why, damnit, why? Is it a crime for a man to finish one, just one wet dream in the morning! Is that so bloody terrible! I mean come on, I swear, man! This is really pissing me off!"

'sigh...'

My anger vented I strode back to my room, locking the door and proceeded to strip. It didn't take long for me to resume my previous endeavor as sleep consumed me.

/BI/

Some time later, I came out, a slightly goofy, yet extremely satisfied Shinji Ikari. I didn't really care. Commenting to himself on the joys of such a wonderful day, I wasn't going to let anything spoil my mood. Not even father could get in my way today.

Downstairs my people gave me their usual greetings. I did notice that Asuka and Rei seemed a little sullen, but they would get over it. It's not the first time I had to shot them out of my room. Sometimes it seems the only thing that can make them listen.

"Hey Boss."

"Sup, Boss."

"Good morning, sir."

"Stupid, Ikari..."

"Good morning... Ikari-kun."

"Good morning. What's on for today?" I asked while the bar tender hooked me up with my morning drink.

"Not much sir," Hikari paused as I gave my ecstatic battle cry and continued. "Ms. Misato called and ask for you to come over."

"Did she say why?"

"No, only that she needed to see you at her place." Horaki reported. She didn't sound all that pleased over the news, but that could be expected.

"Sweet, we get to chill with the glory that is Misato-san!" Toji cried, his face a portrait of bliss.

"Shut up Baka!" Hikari smacked him before he could say anymore, his face now a portrait of pain. That had been expected too.

"Come on, lets do this before Horaki puts Suzuhara in a cast. I don't have time to pay hospital bills." Setting my drink down we headed out to see, as Toji put it, the glory that was Misato-san.

/BI/

Misato's place stood there across the street from us as we got out of our cars. It was a lively restaurant called 'The Major's Kitchen' that served traditional and non-traditional meals depending on which day you came. It was a strange place off the bat, but what was stranger was what went on beneath the place. But that was another story.

I turned to look down the street to check out the surroundings before we crossed over and found a strange overly cute plushy standing there a few feet away, just looking at me.

I turned away, but something made me look back. The plushy was closer now, as if it had moved on its own. That was impossible, it was just a doll. 'Maybe the wind blew it.' Said wind was non-existent and the plushy seemed to be standing on its own.

I turned away again. My minds were just playing tricks on me - and yes, I just said minds but I'm not getting to that. Go ask Dr. Akagi if you want to know, just get off me about that, alright- but I couldn't stop myself from looking again. It was even closer now.

'Nah, that's not possible. It's not really there. It's just the heat and my eyes.'

I stared strait ahead, not even glancing the other way.

'Aggghhh, screw it!'

I looked again. It was closer. I did it again, and again, until it was somehow sitting on my shoulder, right beside my head, looking dead into my eyes.

I couldn't help but cover my face and scream at the top of my lungs "Aghh, plushy attack, plushy attack! Oh, the horror, the horror!"

"Holy, hell, it's a pikachu!" Aida yelled as he chased it off of me.

"Die you oversized mutated rat, rabbit... cat thingy!" Toji punctuated each word with a shot from his pistol.

"Wait, you mean it's not a plushy?" I asked a little surprised. I couldn't help but feel a little sheepish.

"No you moron, It's a bloody pokemon." The red head looked at me like I was some nut in an asylum.

"Oh... Damnit!"

"Aghh, Dummkopf!"

"Whatever. Just kill the thing Suzuhara!" I was relieved to say the least.

"What is that matter Ikari-kun? It is merely a pokemon." Rei asked looking puzzled, yet concerned.

"Nothing, alright. It's just... I had a bad experience with a plushy once, alright. I don't want to talk about it right now."

----------

Ok, I'm guessing this is the part where we break out into a flashback...........................

Ok... maybe not.

What are you saying, the author's budget was cut again? What do you mean we can't afford a proper flashback? Oh, this is just great.

So what, I'm supposed to just describe the scenes myself. Didn't I just say that I didn't want to talk about it, I mean, that's what the flashback is for.

If you fools think I'm going to go through the stress of drudging that load of crap back up, your wrong.

Oh, so you do, do you? Well screw that! They better pay the man if you want this story to come out better.

Can't even afford a proper flashback, man! You people suck.

-------------

"Anyway... let's just say I don't like plushies, alright and just leave it at that. It's all father's fault anyway." I said, trying to put the whole mess behind me and gain some of my dignity back.

"Sure, Ikari, sure. Weirdo." Asuka muttered under her breath.

"I heard that, Sorhyu."

"Good for you Ikari."

"Stupid, plushies, stupid pokemon."

/BI/

After everyone had calmed down and Toji had quit his whining about how he had lost the 'damn rodent', we all headed to Misato's. It was early, so no one was in except a few cooks and the other help. The cooks said that the purple headed goddess was in her office with two other people and would be out shortly. They asked if we had eaten. We hadn't, so we ended up at a table enjoying ourselves when a shadow fell over us.

Looking up at the disturbance I couldn't help but feel as if something was up. There was something about them, something that seemed familiar.

"Who are you two?" Toji asked the two newcomers with a mouth full of food. They were dressed in our standard uniform, so obviously they were apart of the Clan, probably with Misato's group.

"Ahhh, have you forgotten us already." One of them answered, her full eyes on me. She was of average height with long dark raven hair, tied back in a small blue bow that reached the small of her back. Her eyes, a shade of the deepest violet, that seemed to pierce whatever caught their attention, were a strange match for her teasing lips. This was a woman to be wary of. She had the look of someone who got what she wanted, no matter the price.

"It has only been a week. It seems we didn't make a lasting impression the last time we met." This one was obviously related to the other girl. Their cute noses and the taunting lips were a dead give a way, but this new girl had eyes and hair an auburn brown that rivaled the color of fall leaves. I had to turn away from them before I started talking like a poet, even if it was only in my head.

If it wasn't for their differences in their hair and eye coloring I could have sworn they were twins. They acted as if they knew me, but where had I met them? I couldn't help but feel as if I had met them before, even if they hadn't pointed it out. And sometime last week? What had I been doing last...

"You are the Saito Sisters. The ones I met after we took over the Kodama clan." The pieces finally fell into place, but what were they doing here.

"Well, well, it seems you do remember us, but I must say I was kind of hoping you would be dressed as you were that day."

"Yes, your... 'uniform' was a very attractive attire."

I didn't say anything to that, and worked hard for my blush not to show, considering the only thing I had been wearing then was my plug suit and the stares they had given me then, I really didn't want to think about it.

Rei didn't seem to like the attention the two girls were giving me. I had not seen her frown like that at anybody before. Asuka, well, lets just say she wasn't pleased either, although I'm pretty sure the death glare she was giving the sisters was patented by my father and would be expecting a check in the mail sometime this week.

"I'm glad you're all getting along, that'll makes things a lot easier."

I turned towards the new speaker, but I already knew who it was. The two drooling stooges were a dead give away. "Hello Misato, you had your morning beer already?"

"No, I figured I'd have it when you guys got here."

"What is this alcoholics anonymous?" Kensuke called out.

"No because all of you punks know each other." Asuka answered.

While the 'major' and I went about the business of getting wasted while the rest of the group got better acquainted with each other.

Asuka jumped in, cutting strait to the point. "So, what are you two doing here? You joining Misato's operation, or something?

"Or, something," They answered.

"Excuse me, I'm afraid I don't know your names." Hikari asked trying to be more polite than her friend.

"Oh yes, you're right, we haven't been introduced. I'm Megumi Saito, and this is my sister Sunja." The brown haired girl replied, giving me a warn smile that seemed to have some hidden meaning.

"We're here because of the deal that Boss Ikari made with our mother. We are to join one of your teams and add our skills to your strengths." the dark haired Sunja answered.

"I see, and have you decided a team yet?"

The sister gave each other a look, and a small smile. "Yes," they said. "we have."

"So, which one, already? What's with the suspense man."

"Shut up Suzuhara."

"It's alright, we've decided to join yours."

There was silence for a full minute, then two and almost three before the screaming started.

"What the hell do you mean you're joining ours!"

"Yeah, you just can't come in here and sign up. This isn't the freakin army!"

"Calm down Asuka it can't be that bad."

"Yeah, I mean, hell they're totally babes too."

"Damnit Baka, didn't I just tell you to shut up!"

"Hey!"

"DON'T HEY ME DAMNIT! I HEY YOU!"

"Ah... ok."

"Yeah, you hentai, just stuff your face and keep quiet while the grown ups talk. "

"So why are you still talking Devil."

"Watch your mouth Aida!"

Rei was her usual quiet self, so of course said nothing and I sat there watching them and the Saito sisters. It was easy to tell what they were thinking, almost as if they had spoken out load. 'These are the best of the Ikari Clan? How the hell did we lose to these idiots.' I couldn't help but laugh at the expressions on their faces.

Misato broke up the mess before things got serious. "What's with you guys. These are two highly trained and highly skilled operatives who could bring a lot to your team, so what are you freaking out about?"

"I'm sure they are skilled Ms. Misato, but it's just that this is a little sudden." Hikari tried to explain on our behalf.

"This is father's doing?" It wasn't really a question. The sisters had confirmed it earlier.

"Yes, it is."

"He would do something like this to me without consulting me, wouldn't he."

"It's alright Shinji, your father's not that bad. Just don't let that whole 'I could give three smurfs and a care bear about you and how you feel' attitude get to you because deep, deep, deep down inside, he's a real kind and caring person." there was a long pause. "Deep, deep down, I swear."

"Sure, Misato, sure."

"Anyway, so I guess we never had a choice about these two." Asuka replied, pointing to the Saito girls.

"No, I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. Let's all just sit back, calm down and have a nice meal. I mean, I went to all the trouble to cook this for you guys and you just..."

"Wait? You mean you cooked the food?" I interrupted. Everyone at the table had froze at her words.

"Yes I did." Misato said with a proud smile.

I immediately checked myself, patting my stomach and examining the food. "I'm not dying, my stomach doesn't hurt, and the food actually tasted good, wow."

"What are you trying to say Shinji, that I can't cook?" The purple haired women cocked an eye brow and stared menacingly at me, daring me to say so.

"Yes!" said every other person present in unison as they looked up from their plates, minus the two former Kodama girls who stood there looking confused.

I was already on my way out the door.

"Hey Ikari where you going?" Toji asked.

I ignored him as I shut the door to 'The Major's Kitchen.' and tried to block out the sound of people get their butts kicked by an angry purpled haired women and said woman's screams of "I can cook you jerks!"

'Sure you can Misato.' I though to myself. 'But that doesn't mean you can cook well.'

I would say something here about how whacked out Tokyo 3 is, but I'm really not in the mood, so screw it. You know it, I know it, so... whatever.

"Stupid plushies."

----------------

AN: I've had this question on my mind for a while and I just wanted to know if I was wrong or right. So, I 'll just ask you cats and get it over with. I wrote this scene in the first chapter, but I'm not sure if anyone got it. It would be a waste to write more like it and people not understand to point.

enter scene / So, anyway, a gorgeous, quiet, extremely talented ass kicking bass player joins my band and I do a few solos for the bathroom crowd for the low, low price of $free.99. / exit scene

did you get that ... anybody, or was it just a weird piece of foolishness to most of you?

Oh and apparently I spelled Squirtle wrong last time. I don't watch pokemon, so whatever. Not like it matters. You got the point right?

I know people are wondering about the whole smurf foolishness. Believe me even I thought them as little crazy when I wrote it. Just... think of them as little oddities like... leprechauns and things like that, except they aren't out to kill you. They're hard to find and thus valuable. I'll get into the truth about smurfs in later chapters. Just deal with it for now.

Oh and I'll try to keep the threats to the readers to a minimum. Alright? Alright. /An


	4. a job 'offer'

/Boss Ikari/

- lawless priest -

04 - a job offer

My name is Sohryu, Asuka Langley Sohryu, and without a doubt the most famed of German assassins and explosives operatives in the business, and the youngest at that. Every since I took this new job for the Yakuza I've had to deal with those two stooges and their ring leader, Shinji Ikari, the boss's son and his weird bodyguard Rei. I'd swear if I'd known just how extremely weird things would become I would have never come to this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.

--------------------------

"Welcome to Tokyo 3."

Those three words might make anyone one hearing them the first time wonder what happened to the first two cites. And if someone were to answer that question it would probably go along the lines of, "The first was

submerged and the what's left was a wasteland. The second is one the largest metropolitan cess poles in existence.

I bet that would really give you 'so much' hope for their third try, right? Well, if you've spent any amount of time in this city, that hope lasted all of fives seconds. Yep, right up until the point where you had stopped chasing the bastard who had stolen your wallet or purse, been kidnapped and ransomed for untold amounts of money that was never paid, and dumped off on the curve in the rain, wearing only your skimpies.

Yep, this city was an outstanding example of righteousness lost in a schizo's fever dream, and drowned in a spilled bottle of Sake. And I was in the heart of it.

Why, you might ask? Well, because a certain stubble chin hottie asked me to and damnit, I couldn't deny him.

'Bastard.'

Well there I was, riding down the heart of Tokyo 3 in my current employer's black Nissan, Skyline, heading back towards HQ. The big boss had given that lush, Misato, a call and she sent us on our way. Of course, none of us knew what we were headed for. Boss Ikari never told anyone anything until he bloody well felt like it and that was usually hours beyond everyone else's patience had ran out.

Wonder Girl said the Boss wasn't like that, but Shinji swore the man did it for spite. I'd agree with Ikari, but the 'Commander', as he was called, just seemed too cold hearted to waste the time for such crap.

Anyway, I was a little worried, but I was still too pissed at having those sister sluts joining the squad. Who did the Commander think he was?

'Besides being the Commander and our head boss.' the voice inside my head said.

"That's beside the point! That bastard had no right to just throw them on our team like that!" I was starting to really get into it when I noticed the looks from Shinji and Rei, who were in the front seats as we waited at a red light.

'Did I say all that out load?'

My face must have looked like a fat kid after walking up six flights of stairs, but I couldn't let it show, so what did I do? I made Ikari look like a rectum.

"What is this perverts anonymous? Taking a quick look aren't you Ikari?" He flushed crimson and turned back towards the front. I was still a little peeved about that whole morning scene earlier. How dare he think he could get away with that crap! Baka!.

With the attention turned elsewhere I began to relax, but I caught Ayanami still looking at me with that look, you know the one. Ok, maybe you don't, but if you every saw it, you would. But all of that goes without saying, so why did I? Quit asking stupid questions already.

"You looking for an exclusive peek or something Wonder Girl?" She merely shook her head and turned around. Well I didn't expect much from her anyway. I'd swear she'd be weird enough to think suicide was an art form. The only time I've seen her show any emotion is when we give Ikari his daily morning wake up call.

The loser should be grateful that we would even bother to do such a thing as to allow him the glory of waking up to our presence. Ok, maybe just mine, but it's about the principle of the matter.

After some time of driving in silence and my internal ranting we finally made it to Head Quarters. HQ, it was a strange place to say the least. It was an imposingly tall building in the shape of a pyramid. I don't know who's idea that was, but they must have been hitting the brandy a little too hard that night. It didn't matter. HQ was HQ. At least it was far more original than what most other Crime Lords had.

What really made the place strange was the fact that it was a, get this, a Toy Company. Yep, you heard right, a mother freakin Toy Company. Nerv, Inc as they called it. Apparently, Ms. Ikari, the smartest out of the bunch by my guess, had been a fan of plushies. She even came up with the companies most profited sales item, the Angel Plushy. You see. Mr. I'm so cold my underwear has to be flown in from Antarctica, Ikari, was a big manga buff back in the day. He and his old mentor got into the business back when they were still in college, one working there and the other attending and just barely at that.

Anyway, they came out with this weird giant mecha story that was really twisted, but the fans ate it up, so they made an anime out of it. Ms. Ikari thought that the enemy in the manga were too ugly, so she miniaturized them and made them all cute and fluffy. Really cute, and really fluffy. I should know. I was the owner of the largest Angel Plushy collection in Europe. Only Professor Fuyutsuki had me beat, but that guy just creepped me out even with that grandfather like attitude of his.

I must have zoned out because we were already in the building and right outside the Boss's Office, but apparently he only wanted to see his son so the rest of the clan headed down to one of Nerv's Employee, I mean real employees, lobbies. I had almost forgotten that Hikari and the rest had came along as well, but they were already in the lobby when Rei and I got there.

My pigtailed friend was saying something to the stooge Lieutenant, Suzuhara. I didn't really care but I couldn't help but hear that last phrase. Her ranting was too load to ignore.

"That was the dumbest conversation I've ever heard from you two fools in like, I don't know, what is it, the last... five minutes. You idiots act like you can't go that long without saying something that makes you look like a couple of strait asses. I mean, that last line was just too stupid for me to comment. At least your last argument had some truth in it. I swear you two really are stooges!"

"Alright already, just hold your water!"

"I already told you, damnit, I'm not pregnant!"

.... There was a pregnant silence for a long, long time. Hell, even Wonder Girl looked surprised.

"Ok, I didn't need to know that." was the only thing that I could come up with.

"Didn't want to know that, either." That was from Aida, the smarter of the last two stooges.

It was still too quiet and somebody needed to fill that void. Too bad Kensuke had the same idea and beat me to the punch.

"So, Asuka, how's that anger management going?"

"Go to hell, Aida!" That punk!

"I can see you've been skipping a few sessions."

Gritting my teeth and rolling up my sleeves, I was about to rip that punk a new one. I'm not exactly sure what it was I was going to rip, but damnit, when I was through with him, he was going to need a new something.

You know what, I going to leave out the part where I beat that Baka into submission. Lets just say that my righteous justice was dispersed and my honor upheld. Besides, how hard is it to imagine me putting that punk in his place. I'm pretty sure you already have your scenarios set. We all know what went down, so I'll leave it at that.

Anyway... besides from the two new girls Sunja and Megumi checking to see if the be-speckled Section 2 agent was still alive, nothing of real interest happened. Except for that army of smurfs that stormed the break room and the initial siege that took place afterwards, before we drove those demons back to their hell, but like I said, nothing serious enough happened that needed to be said.

Well, I will say that the clan gained a grudging respect towards the Kodama sisters for their strategy that helped us deal with those little blue skinned punks, but it didn't mean we were cool with them. It was almost worst, if that was possible considering the small amount of respect they had just earned, but it couldn't be helped. They kept saying that they wished 'Shinji-kun' was there to see them in action and how they wouldn't mind seeing him in action... of a sorts, in only so many words, but we got the idea.

I swear, you could actually see the steam coming out of Rei's head. I seriously expected to see her whip out her piece and plug those two annoying flirts. I already had mine out and was working on said task when the head stooge came in.

He took one look around at the destruction caused by our battle and just shook his head with a 'I don't really want to know' look on. "It seems we have a job to do, so come on and I'll explain on the way. Oh, and will somebody help Kensuke off the ground, please."

/BI/

We were down in the sub levels of Nerv, Inc. or what the locals call the Geo-front. Dr. Akagi had her lab hidden somewhere down in these catacombs. Rei and Shinji lead the group, but with the crazy way the place was designed I wondered if even they knew the way.

"Ah, the blind leading the faithful." I said sarcastically. "I'm sure we'll get there sometime this century."

"Reds got a point." Toji said, looking around at the hall that I could have sworn we had been down three times and that was four turns ago. Don't ask how that worked out, it just was, ok! I'm just trying to stay focused and not worry about losing my sanity before the age of 22.

"This place is a maze, Ikari." Suzuhara was still going on. "Your family must have been sipping the from the stash a little much when they were thinking up this place." which was exactly what I was thinking, but the berretta that that particular stooge happened to be staring down made me glad I didn't voice those opinions. I had seen Shinji pissed, but right then, he was clearly livid and judging from his little tirade that morning, I knew he wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger.

The frightened look on Toji's face showed that he seconded that thought.

"Toji." Shinji asked quietly, looking the Section 2 agent in his eyes.

"Y-yes, Boss?"

"I like you Toji, your good people, but don't let my feelings dissuade you down the wrong path. I could care less what you think of my father. I personally think he's a 100 Grade A rectum with a side of bastard, but as for my mother, she is a completely different story." Ikari said all of this in a very calm, very cool like tone that he used on me and Rei earlier.

'Suzuhara had better not open his idiot mouth and say something stupid cause Shinji's not playing.' I found myself thinking. I also found that this whole scene was starting to get me aroused. It was that morning all over again.

Rei's face may have had that expressionless glaze to it, but I knew her well enough to know that inside she felt just like me. Hell it was obvious what the Kodama girls were thinking. That Megumi girl kept licking her lips and looked at Ikari with a hungry expression that Rei would have shot her for if her thoughts weren't so ... occupied.

I couldn't see that Sunja girl, as she was out of my line of view, but I really didn't care, as long as she didn't try anything. One look at Hikari and I knew what she was worried about her 'precious' stooge, but the fact that she kept giving Ikari that same hungry look that Megumi had sort of startled me. I was about to get on her for it but Shinji was still talking.

"She's not even in the same league as my father when it comes to intelligence or anything else for that matter, and considering it was she who had designed this place so that it would confuse any attacking enemy force and probably drive them mad, only reinforces just how different they are."

"But like I said, I like you Toji, so I'll say this once. Just so we don't have to go down this road again. Don't EVER down my mother, again, understand?" Those cold blue eyes had me lost in their brilliance like a deer caught in the head lights and Toji too. It took a little prodding from his second, Kensuke, to get him together enough to answer.

"Good. Now let's go. I haven't been down here in a while but I think it was.... this way.... or was it that way. Umm?"

I don't know whether I wanted to shout at him just then or just shoot him, but the bastard still had me freaked. No one goes from all 'Just give me one reason to pull this trigger, so I can justify spattering your cranium across the wall' then back to 'Umm, I'm sorry I didn't know they sold loser in that color, let me put this green one back and I'll take that blue one instead.' It just didn't happen.

I cold feel a headache coming on. Damn you Ikari. How can you be such a Baka?

'.... why did I come to Tokyo 3? Why?' were the last thoughts I had before we all moved to catch up to Shinji before he lost himself.


	5. the hunt

/Boss Ikari/

- lawless priest -

05 - the hunt

My name is Ayanami, Rei Ayanami, an assassin in the service of one Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Every since my boss's 21st birthday, his father entrusted me with his son's safety as he began his path to take the reins of the family business. Things around here have become... extremely abnormal, especially after the fall of the Kodama Clan. But no matter, I take it in stride as just another day in this abnormal city known as Tokyo - 3

--------------------------

"Remember, the item is extremely valuable, so treat it with care when you find it."

Those were Dr. Akagi's last words to us before the clan began our hunt. We didn't even know what the 'item' was, but here we were, with barely sufficient information out searching for something that the commander deemed important enough to send us combing the city for it. It was distressing, but when did I ever let such things concern me.

Currently we were at another popular mob hangout on the eastern side of the city, called the 'Hanging Man'. I don't know why it was called that. It seemed like too much of a depressing name for a hangout, which is supposed to be a place where a member of a crime syndicate could get away from the perils of the business and enjoy the atmosphere. None-the-less, we were there. I sat at a table with Ms. Horaki and Sohryu. The others had dispersed among the crowd when we entered, meeting old acquaintances and gathering what new news there was from the other patrons.

The sisters, or the sluts as Sohryu called them, were among their own, who happened to be there as well. All in all the mood was lax. Even if we were on the job, there was no reason that we could not enjoy ourselves. For me that consisted of sitting beside Ikari-kun and sipping occasionally from the wine in my glass and watching the others as the conversed.

If only the annoying individual, wearing too much cologne who kept trying to flirt with me, would leave, I could relax as well. But that did not seem to be the case.

"Come on baby, let's get out of here and we can hit the town, know what I mean?"

"No, I don't."

"Of course you do, we can go to any place you want. There's this nice place down on ..."

"Obviously you must have been mistaken." I interrupted. My patience had not run thin, but I was too tempted to kill the man out right rather than listen to any more of his foolishness.

"Mistaken?"

"Yes, you have somehow gained the impression that I care."

"Uh.." He tried to come up with some appropriate retort, but before he could.

"Hey you heard her, so get lost." Ikari to the rescue.

"Whatever, just stay out of ... wh-what are you doing?"

The gun I held to his face effectively put a halt to the annoying man's rants. It was amazingly pleasant to see just how fast his voice lost it's confidence.

"What does it look like, shooting you."

"Ah, I'm sorry to have bothered you miss. Please except my apologies."

After bowing profusely he made his escape. Truthfully, I was a bit disappointed, but I hid it well. 'If only he was a little more arrogant...'

"Um... wow, Ayanami. I didn't know you had it in you for that type of thing." Shinji was saying with a look of astonishment amusement on his face.

"And why is that, Ikari-kun?"

"I'm sorry, it's just that, I didn't think you knew how to express yourself, that's all."

"It has nothing to do with that. I just don't give a damn."

"Oh... "

"I was going to say 'smurf', but it would have been inappropriate."

"Oh, but 'damn' wasn't"

"Fuck off, Ikari."

"Sorry, sorry. Um... I'll just go check on Ken and Toji." he said before hurrying away.

Sigh...

Sometimes... I could hurt that man.

"Mein Gott, he can be such a Baka." Asuka called from where she was as she listened to our conversation.

"Indeed."

"Anyway, so... Hikari what's with you and the Stooge Lieutenant"Sohryu was asking our other table companion, Ms. Horaki. "I know you and he aren't, well you know, I'm not going to say it out loud. It's almost too gross to think about."

"N-no, it's nothing like that!" The blush that crept up the pig tailed woman's face gave away her lie.

"It better not be! You could do a lot better than that."

"He's not that bad Asuka. He's actually kinda sweet."

"Yeah as sweet as sweat!" the red head snorted, turning her nose up.

I had no reservations as to whether or not the taller Section 2 agent was either. I knew, in very vivid detail, just how 'sweet' he really was, but I wasn't going to tell Horaki that, and I knew Suzuhara wouldn't either. Blackmail is a very useful too.

The others must have caught my slight smile because they were giving me weird looks.

"See something you like ah, Rei?" was Sohryu's gibe.

"I don't know about her but I do." Megumi had snuck up on us while we weren't looking, it seemed.

"No one asked you Kodama."

"But I will ask you, tell me, where's our ...'Boss'.

The auburn haired women said boss like it was some delectable treat. I couldn't refute the claim, but that didn't mean I would let her get away with such insolence. Ikari-Kun was mine and no sex craved hussy was going to lay her filthy hands on him. I surmised that now would be the time to show the wench her place. All that I needed was the right phrase that would effectively end all thoughts of intimacy concerning Ikari-kun.

Turning toward my prey I noticed that Asuka seemed to be having similar thoughts and beat me to my chance.

"He went to go trade lies with the other perverts."

A sweat drop appeared on my brow, but no one noticed. 'That, Sohryu, was not what I had in mind. Note to self, never let the German take such matters out of my hands again. She will fail me every time.'

"I see, well I guess I'll just have to go and find him."

The smile that lit up her face was reminiscent of the sun, but it only made me sick. Too much UV rays were unhealthy. It would be a shame if that sun were to go Nova sometime in the near future. Yes... yes it would.

"Um, who are you looking for Ms. Megumi?" Only one man could ask such a question and sound so unsure of himself.

"Ikari-kun..." he never heard my greeting.

"Oh, Shinji-kun! I was looking for you, sir."

She called him by his name. How - dare - she! The ice in my mental voice cold have frozen the desert.

"Is something wrong Rei?"

I blinked a few times in brief shock. My eyes had been narrowed, it seemed, and Ikari-kun had been concerned. Inside I smiled, but outside... "No, there was something in my eye. It is gone now."

Attention adverted. It was time to leave.

"Shall we continue the search. There is only so much information that can be attained in this establishment."

"Right. I'll go get the others and you girls wait outside at the cars and we'll go from there." Ikari made good on his word and went about it. We wasted no time doing the same.

/BI/

"So, what's the plan, boss?" Suzuhara asked as he leaned on the side of his blue and white Lancer EVO. After we had gathered together outside we shared what information we had found and now it was up to Shinji to decide where we would start.

"Well, we have a few leads, but there are still some things that need to be done, so this is how it'll go down. Aida, Suzuhara you will search for the first lead, the guy we are looking for should be somewhere around North Eastern side of the city. That's the suburbs people and school is still in for some, so don't do anything crazy out there, alright."

The look he gave his two Lieutenants was clear enough to everyone present. The government was still looking down our backs because of that last incident and the clan did not need any more attention than it already had.

"Ms. Horaki, I want you and the Saito sisters to look into the second lead. You have the address, so contact us when you've found the guy." The sister's looked a bit disappointed that they wouldn't be going with us, but that was fine by me. They would only get in our way.

"Asuka, Rei," Shinji said to us. "You'll be with me. We're going to meet the new informant that Dr. Akagi told us about. Kaji supposedly set it up, so it should be safe..."He gave a pause before continuing. "And I know I don't have to tell you, but be on your guard."

His eyes conveyed the concern he had for us. The last time we had gone to meet one of our new informants... it would be wise to just say that the situation did not go appropriately.

Sohryu and I gave each other looks and a nod. We would be ready for whatever came.

"Alright then, Third. Lets get going. No point in waiting." Asuka always had to have the last word. This time was no different.

/BI/

"Well, isn't this just the perfect spot to get ambushed." Sohryu's sarcasm was unnecessary. We all felt the same about the place. We were standing next to the exit, on the roof of a closed down factory waiting for our contact to arrive. As it was, they were 12 minutes and 48 secs late. Some people believe that I act like a machine when I do things like that, but I just like being precise. That way, I say what I mean and there are no misunderstandings. It would be unfortunate if I had to a shoot a man, because he became over joyed when he thought that I said Excel Saga was more funnier than FLCL, or some such.

But seriously ES beat FLCL, or as Ikari would say, 'not bloody likely in this universe'.

During the wait, the German and I decided to waste time by sending each other text messages on our cell phones to pass time. I didn't spare my watch a glance, but I knew it was working.

'Why couldn't informants ever be reliable?'

It was a foolish question considering their nature and the situation. But as for our conversation, it went something like this.

/: entering text messaging / chat room mode - something like flashback mode... just without the flashback, obviously :/

bigRED: hey blue let's do that word game again... Saito

the-quiet-type: sisters

bigRED: sluts

the-quiet-type: whores

bigRED: Arschloch

the-quiet-type: ecchi

bigRED: hentai

the-quiet-type: useless annoying little...

bigRED: paled skinned Dummkopfs who..

the-quiet-type: better keep their hands off...

bigRED: my baka before I

"What do you mean yours?" I said to the red head, but I didn't shout. I never shouted. I wasn't exactly sure my voice could get that loud. I knew Ikari must have been giving us weird looks, but that was irrelevant.

"Well, who do you think was going to get him?"

Asuka was being selfishly arrogant again. I merely narrowed my eyes. We had been through this before and we were still paying off the damage done to the game room back at Shinji's Bar.

"Fine, ours, happy?"

"Extremely."

"Whatever." She tossed her hair to the side, knowing full well how much I hated it when she did that in front of me.

'Stupid long haired wench. Just because Ikari-kun likes women with long hair... I'll show her. Just wait until my hair grows out.'

"Well, I'm here." a voice called out, interrupting my grumbling. I could still hear Sohryu's mumbled "about time."

"Good for you, good for us." Was all Ikari said.

"Is it?" Our contact said with a smile.

"It had better be." That was from Asuka.

"I see."

"Do you?" I asked. This person was already on my 'I wish I had a bat so I can beat you with it' list, but of course, I would have just shot them. A bat takes too long. I had things to do.

"Well yeah..." The informant was a little confused now, but they had tried to confuse us, so it was only right that we did the same.

"Good, now let's get down to business." The boss said, his tone collected and cool, almost cold. He was in Commander mode,. That was the pet name that Sohryu and I gave him awhile back when he got like this, all manly. But we would never tell him that. He be likely to shoot us.

"You are late." I felt the need to point that out. Time was important in our line of work.

"Then next time, tell Kaji to give better directions. Down town was a mess to get through."

"Irrelevant, who are you and what do you have for us?" It seems our boss wanted to get this over with, but our informant only smiled.

I had seen that smile before. It was the same smile that the Saito sisters gave Ikari when we met them at Ms. Misato's restaurant.

"My name is Mana," she said with a flourish. "and it seems that the JSSDF has taken an interest in your little item."

"And what could they want with it?" Sohryu's question struck a cord with me as well. Why would the Government want to get involved? Did they know what we were looking for?

"Mana, do you know why they have gotten into this?" Ikari asked calmly.

"No, but I'm working on that. I do know that another Yakuza gang is involved as well, but not exactly which one. But don't worry, I'm sure I can find out for you, Mr. Ikari."

She smiled again. I was starting to hate that smile and the face that went along with it. Her red, almost pink, close cut hair was annoying me as well. It was almost as if she had tried to copy my style. Originality was hard to come by in this city... and mine had been one of the most original. Only anime characters could top my particular fashion sense.

"Is that all, Mana?"

"Yes, Mr. Ikari. I'm afraid so, but you can get Kaji to contact me if you want to get more... 'informed'." The pink wench did it again.

"We'll see. Come on girls."

"Why is it that we always have to meet other girls. Were are the real men in the city."

"Out looking for real women." Was the boss's answer.

"Well, here we are damnit!

I sighed as I got into the car. It was going to be a long ride.

/BI/

Somewhere, along the way, Kensuke had called and told us that his lead led to nothing. Horaki had called not five minutes later and told us that they had located theirs and were awaiting orders. Ikari told them to wait up and that we would be their soon. We told Aida and Suzuhara to meet us there as well.

Considering how fast Ikari-kun drives, I was surprised that the black sun-glasses wearing duo had beat us to the spot. But then again, Ms. Misato had been head of Section 2 for sometime before Mr. Kaji took over, and her road skills was widely known to all in the Clan.

We were all in the parking lot of a church that seemed fairly new, with gleaming arches and fresh paint. A strange place to find six members of one of the must powerful Yakuza Crime Families in Tokyo 3. But such as it was, was irrelevant.

Ms. Horaki led us in and we walked over to where the Saito sisters were standing. I would have called them some vulgar term, at least in my mind, but I was rather fatigued. The day had been he tiring and I hoped that we would not have to meet some other less-than savory person. I was afraid that if they irritated me, I would be compelled to shoot them and save myself the annoyance. Well, I wasn't exactly afraid, I merely was not in the mood.

"So, is this the guy?" Ikari walked up to a middle aged man in a black attire.

"Yes, this is Father Lo." Sunja answered, pointing to the man.

"A priest? I see, well what does he know?"

"Apparently one of the men involved stopped by here. He didn't give a confession, so the priest is free to talk about it."

"You sure?"

"Yes, sir. The man did speak to another, who we haven't been able to identify, about the item and then they had a word with our holy man here." That was from Megumi. The two former Kodama's seemed to be acting respectful. It probably had something to do with being within the walls of a holy place.

"Sir, tell me, how would a man of god, like yourself, get involved in something like this?" Boss Ikari began, as he questioned the Father.

"Well, actually, I'm an atheist."

All movement stopped and every eye was on him.

"Wait, man?" Suzuhara was confused, as was the rest of us. "Aren't you a priest?"

"Yes, I am, young man."

"But you just said that you were an atheist." Aida tried to clarify. None of us still understanding the Father's reasoning.

"Yes I did."

"Ok, let's just start the introductions over, alright." Shinji said with a sigh... gathering himself for the foolishness to come. I sensed it as well.

"You are a priest, right?"

"Yes."

"You preach the word of god?'

"Yes, I do and I am told I am very good at it."

No one said anything for a few seconds, but then Ikari-kun continued with a small shake of his head in wonderment.

"Ok, and you teach children about the glory of god and all that, right?"

"Yes."

"And you're an atheist?"

"Yes."

He sighed in exasperation again.

"Ok... ok... let's try this. Do you know what an atheist means?"

"Yes. It means one doesn't believe in god."

"And you still chose to become a priest?" Sohryu asked the question that was on all of our minds.

"Yes, I did. I felt it was the right thing to do."

"Hey, Ikari, man, where are you going?" Suzuhara asked as the boss turned toward the exit.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have the mental capacity to deal with this type of shit, right now. I'm out of here."

"Hey! You can't curse in a church!" Aida was saying. Getting up too. Ikari-kun was already at the door by then.

"Hell, you can't have a priest who doesn't believe in god either, but that doesn't seem to be stopping Mr. Un-Holy over there." He stopped and turned back toward the priest.

"But I have one more thing to ask." He looked at the Father for a long while and then leaned down so he was right in front of the mans face.

"Can I ask you a serious question.?"

Ikari's actions were starting to disturb the man, but who could blame him.

"Um.. sure."

"Have you been drinking? Because I think I need a sip of what you're having. My usual stuff is 'obviously' not strong enough."

I had always known life in Tokyo 3 was not normal, but apparently my assumptions were off. Way off.


	6. War of the fluffies prt 1

An: I would like to state for the record that I am so far off my original plot line that it's ridiculous. I know those of you who know me are like 'what plot line?' but whatever... This batch of goodness is a bit longer than the others. So just sit back and be prepared for the foolishness. - it's all in the title -

You've been warned. /AN

/Boss Ikari/

- lawless priest -

06 - War of the fluffies prt. 1

My name is Ikari, Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Anyway, every since my 21st birthday, my father forced me to take the reins of the family business, things around here have become... extremely weird. But whatever, I take it as just another day in this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.

--------------------------

'What am I going to do now?' I had been thinking of this all morning. All of my leads and clues had dried up and so far I still knew nothing of what I was looking for. But it seems someone else did.

The Government was involved. Why? Why did they have to stick their noses into this. What was so important about this that they would jump in. Why did they know more about the item my father wanted back than I did? And why was there a head of brown hair on my chest purring like a cat snuggling up it's owners leg?

Carefully, I looked down at said head of hair. The sea of brown was obscuring my view of the person's face and I didn't want to move and wake them so... I tried to focus on what could have happened in the past 24 hours that could have led up to these circumstances.

..... foggy images ..... so that's where I put my keys ... that bastard, when I get up I'm kicking his ass! ....

Nothing, my mind was drawing blanks. Even the room itself didn't look familiar, but I had seen its like. That last thought sounded a little weird. How could the room not be familiar but I had seen one like it? ... whatever.

I was at Nerv it seemed, lying in the bed of one of its many company apartments beneath the Geo-Front. Yet for the life of me, I couldn't remember how I got there, and the person snuggling up next to me was very distracting and that purring was really starting to get to me. I mean, 'really-starting-to-get-to-me'. I was going to have to do something quick.

Sigh... but we all know my luck doesn't work like that.

"Mmmm, do it again Shinji-sama, pleasssse." The mysterious girl moaned in her sleep as she wrapped her arms around me tighter. My inner voices were saying that 'this was starting to get interesting.' but as for me, well... I froze up.

What did you really expect. I mean, this is me, Shinji Ikari here. Aka previously the most wimpiest bastard alive, son of the greatest bastard alive. So of course I froze up. You try waking up to someone you didn't know, purring your name and telling you to do things to her that would give most men a nose bleed.

Hell I just thought about what I just said. I can already guess what you hentais are thinking, but you can just stop. This is house Ikari and in it we expect a little more morality than that.

Ok, not that much or we'd be hypocrites.

Anyway, back to the girl in my bed. As I said my luck sucks so when my alarm chose to go off before I could come up with a suitable plan of action, I was not surprised in the least. Freaked out yes, surprised no.

She woke up with a sexy yawn that drove shivers down my spine. I didn't know women could do that, least of all do it unintentionally. This was not helping. Not at all!

Slowly, she looked up at me, as if remembering where she was. I figured she'd scream. I waited for her to yell hentai!, ecchi!, sukebe! or some other word to mean pervert. Apparently, I figured wrong because the smile she gave me was the brightest appearance of the sun I'd ever seen, even in Tokyo 3 where it's always summer.

I was up on the wall by then and somehow she had stayed with me even though I was sure that that defied three or more of the laws of physics.

"Mmm... You have a very nice chest."

"Uh, thank you."

"Your welcome." Her smile was making me weak. "Can I just lay here for awhile?"

"Um, we're standing."

"I know."

"O... K, sure."

/BI/

An hour later I was at the desk of my father's secretary because he had called me to his office, with my black jacket and white dress shirt a little wrinkled and maybe a little ruffled. The lady at the desk didn't even look up before telling me I was late, but when she saw me she nearly shouted "What the hell happened to you?" and gave me a look like I was some bum refugee, just coming out of some third world country and wasn't used to the modern sophistication of Japan yet.

My immediate reply was "I'm sorry if my state of dress is not suitable enough for you, but I'm afraid the half naked girl lying in my bed with her legs wrapped around me took more priority over whether or not I had time to iron my clothes."

She didn't say anything after that, and I didn't give her a chance. I was already in my father's office and explaining to the orange tint shaded man the situation and how all of our leads led to no where.

By the time I was through and was able to get back to my bar, three hours had passed, so it was no surprise when I came walking through to my already waiting team.

"And where the hell have you been?" Was Asuka's first statement. No usual fake pleasantries today it seemed.

"HQ." was my only answer. Nothing more needed to be said. The relief on their faces that I was the one who had to tell my father of our progress was clearly evident. None of them really wanted to be in the same room as that man for any length of time let alone tell him of our failure.

"So, what are our orders Ikari-san, sir?" Always leave it to Hikari to set us on the right track.

"Kaji called me and said to come over sometime today. I don't know what he wants but I hope he has some info that we could use."

Of course Asuka's face lit up like a fire cracker. You could see the exited sparks igniting in her eyes. For a brief moment I felt jealous, but then this morning came back to me. That effectively ended that scene.

"We've got some time so why don't we all take some time off before we head out. Cool?"

Everyone gave their approval and I went upstairs to get some sleep.

/BI/: two hours later... :/

Pokemon...

Care Bears...

Two words that one would not think of in the same sentence with the words mass destruction and chaos. It just seemed like the name of some kids cute little TV show or a huggable plushy thing that you would give to your girlfriend to get in good with her again so you wouldn't miss out on that late night loving.

Who would think that these kawaii looking creatures could possible hurt anyone?

Obviously that person had never been caught in a Pokemon/Care Bear Clan war. Trust me, you know not the horror.

"Die you demons! Die!"

"Hey watch out, there's another one."

"Get it then, I'm kinda busy!"

"Ah, hell! Whoa, that was close, it almost got me."

"Crap!"

"What is it? Oh shit!"

"Tactical retreat?"

"Hell yeah!"

I was reloading my Berretta's behind a large slab of ruble that had once been a part of the upper levels of a Banks outer wall, but a well place shot from one of those creatures they called 'children's pets' had brought it down to our level, when Suzuhara and Aida jumped behind with me.

"Um.. hey Boss."

"Hey Ikari."

I didn't spare Suzuhara a look. The urge to kill him was still too strong, but I kept it to myself and merely gave him a grunt

"What's the situation?" Toji and Ken gave each other a look before Aida answered.

"At this rate, Ikari, we'll probably be overrun in 20 maybe 30 minutes. Those demons own this area"

"Yeah, I think they're starting to flank us." Toji said while checking the scene for the latest enemy positions.

"What about the Bears?"

"Haven't seen any since that last attack of theirs. Must have given up this sector and gone in retreat."

'Then it was just us then.' Not the most welcoming thought.

The residents of this part of the city had long since departed. Even the ones in the bank had made a hasty exit. But of course, they didn't have a healthy aversion to all things pokemon.

We had been riding downtown, trying to get to Kaji's club. All of the girls had opted to go in one car and do a little shopping before we got there. Today had sort of been a lax day. Nothing was going down that needed our immediate attention so we had decided to chill. That lasted all up until around noon.

/: enter flashback mode. :/ yeah we got it fixed, new funds.

We were in route to Kaji's place but I had to make a stop on our way to the club. Nothing serious, I just needed to hit the bank.

I was driving my black Skyline with Toji in the front, Kensuke had fallen asleep in the back some time ago. "Hey I'm heading to the bank. I need to take some money out."

My spiky haired Lieutenant gave his acknowledgement with a curt "Sure."

It wasn't long before we made it to the place, so I parked outside and told Toji to go on in because I needed to get my stuff. Apparently I had misplaced some very valuable assets of mine that were essential for jobs like these. Banks were stricter these days. So you had to come prepared.

'Where the bloody is my bank card? I know I had it in here... oh, didn't see it there.'

My bank equipment in hand, I headed for the door and stepped into chaos. People were on the floor with their heads down, some cried while others watched on nervously. It seemed someone had been here before me and taking money seemed to be on there mind as well, only it wasn't theirs.

There was a guard on the floor, his gun missing. "Um, excuse me, but what's going on here." I already knew, it just helped to have conformation sometimes, and besides I wanted to assess the situation and how the take down went. You always have to be ready to recruit talent when you come across it.

"Just get down and you'll be safe." he said. Coward. And he was supposed to guard the place? Well, he was doing a fine job of it so far.

I could hear the robbers voice over the din of the bystanders. I wanted to see more of his/her technique as they instructed the tellers with their gun ready.

"You, hand over the goods. And the rest of you keep your hands on the table. It's almost over so just keep calm and no one gets hurt."

"Toji?" A sweat drop formed on my head.

For a moment I was stunned. That couldn't possibly be who I thought it was.

"Yeah, boss."

'Damn' was the only clear thought I had at that time. I did notice the guard looking at me funny. Hell just about everyone was.

"What the hell are you doing?" I had stood up by then so as not to look too much like a fool, but with things the way they were that mission was a failure.

"Getting money out like you said." No he did not just say that.

"Toji." My head hurt, but I needed to fix this quickly, very quickly.

"Yeah boss."

"That's what you have bank cards and checks for."

"Oh, well yeah, but you said..."

"Toji."

"Yes boss."

"Put the gun down before I take it and shoot you. Now give the lady back her money and get your retarded behind out of this bank because I swear, I'm so close to kicking your ass right now, it's unbelievable."

"But I thought?"

"Don't think, just get out! Now!"

He did as I instructed, returning the money he had stolen and apologized to the crowd on the floor repeatedly before finally exiting.

I once joked with Dr. Akagi that Nerv should find a way to tax people for mental sighing, and at that moment I had this nagging felling that maybe the good doctor had taken me seriously.

I had my hands to my face trying to stop the migraine that was threatening to swallow me.

I sighed again. 'That idiot!'

I was at the tellers desk now, looking up at the lady at the desk and everyone was still focused on me.

"Um.." My mouth opened and closed a few times before I could continue. "How do I say this?"

The lady looked nervous, but considering what just happened, I couldn't blame her.

"Anyway... um.... yeah, well, I... was wondering if.... you could ... take some money out of this account for me. Here."

As I reached inside my coat the teller cringed and everyone else moaned in fear.

"Hey, it's just my bank card, alright." That seemed to calm them down.

"Oh, and you can get up now. There's no reason for you to stay on the floor."

The lack of tension in the room was evident and the teller gave a relieved but nervous smile as she went about the deal at hand.

Giving a irate look back outside, I couldn't believe he had just done that. I just didn't get it.

'I swear that punk had better not be in my car, cause I would have to hurt him.'

sigh...

/: exiting flashback mode :/ yeah... it's over. Back to the present or present past, or present progressive or whatever the hell you call it.

I was so close to throwing Suzuhara out to the cute fiends awaiting beyond our meager little protection of stone and granite, but I still had a use for him. God, I was starting to think like my father, but why did my 'help' have to be so stupid!

"Damn Pokemon!" Aida's cry brought me back from my musing. I guess Rei was right, I did always muse at inappropriate times. Doesn't mean I was going to let her know that though. But we did have more pressing things on hand other than beating some sense into Toji's thick skull. I swear though, man. He actually thought that I meant...

focus.... focusing.... Pokemon.... damn Care Bears!

No one really knows how it started, but what bits we did know were that something had pissed off every Pokemon and Care Bear in the city and all of them at the same time. Now they had all gathered together for some reason and were going on a rampage downtown.

And then there was the Care Bear Offensive, but I'm not getting into that. A bizarre, yet somehow happy looking giant, flying, fire breathing creature with a gut to make any beer chugging plumber envious, wasn't giving me the chance to.

Oh, and lucky us, for we had been caught in its path. Oh, joy.

We didn't waste time for any famous last words. Filling that thing full of lead was the only urge we had time for. It must have liked it for it danced about in appreciation and excitement, flapping its wings and crying out in rapture.

That last cry of joy as it fell to the ground in exhausted bliss, lifted our spirits at the chance to give that thing the enjoyment and pleasure it craved.

Our good deed done, we gave each other congratulations and hand shakes. All was good in the word. For now.

I knew this felt like a 'I'm going to need a whole lot more ammo than usual' day, but things had been so peaceful. I should have trusted my instincts.

Now here I was with my two Lieutenants hiding from the 'demons' as Toji called them and running out of the goods. That was going to have to change and fast if we were going to survive.

I took a look over the slab trying to decide our next move. Pokemon were roaming the place at random it seemed. I'd swear they looked lost as if they were missing something. Whatever. There was a side street that I was sure we passed on our way over here. There had been a gun shop somewhere around there. That would be our destination.

"Suzuhara, you have anymore grenades?"

"Yeah, one smoke, four frags and a three flash bangs."

"Good. Alright, here's the plan. Toji's going to throw a flash over to the left to get their attention and blind the bastards as we head for that side street over there to the right. I'm pretty sure I saw a gun store around there the last time we came by. Alright?"

"Gotcha."

"Yeah, I hear you."

"Oh, and save your ammo unless you really need it. I could be wrong and I don't have to tell you how screwed we are if we run out of bullets."

"Yeah, yeah, we heard you, Ikari."

"Alright then. Lets go."

Toji threw the grenade and after it did its deal we ran for it. A few of the creatures saw us, but a few well placed shots ended their musings.

/BI/: Asuka's POV :/

If there every was a time for a Stooge to be around, this was it. Cute little furry Teddy Bears of death roamed the deserted halls of Downtown Tokyo 3 Mall, shooting off their rainbow rays of destruction at anything that moved.

We, Rei, the sisters, Hikari and I, along with a few other people who were trapped with us in the shoe store, were armed with our usual arsenal, while a few of the guys from the sports department had base ball bats and golf clubs. Shoes with high heels were passed around to everyone as a backup, just in case. Compared to any other group of survivors we were far better equipped and prepared.

While the Saito sisters were giving the others an informal education in the wonderful arts of pseudo animal ass kicking, Rei had look out and was analyzing the enemy positions and numbers. Hikari and I were working on strategy.

"I say we head for the East exit, picking up whoever as we go." I was saying. "It's quicker and it will get us to our car faster than the North exit."

"Yeah, but the East leads almost directly to the food court where the largest concentration of Bears are located. We could go if it was just the clan alone, but we can't risk the others."

Hikari had a valid point, but there were other factors involved.

"True, they aren't prepared for this type of thing. Hmmm... The North would be slower going, but it is safer. The only problem is ammo. If we take the North rout, running out would not be acceptable."

"We are still unaware of the situation beyond the mall. We may come in contact with other problems once we reach the exits."

Wonder girl's brief little incite didn't make me jump, but it did surprise me... a little. I had just forgotten that she was there was all. And she did have a point, too, I guess... like I was going to tell her that, ha!

"Shiest this sucks! But whatever. We can't worry about that yet."

"So when will we worry about it Sohryu?"

"Shut up Ayanami!" Blue's always got something smart to say.

/BI/: Shinji's POV :/

"This was a very bad idea Ikari!" We were running down the deserted streets with a pack of demons behind us.

"Like I was supposed to know that there were more Pokemon this way Aida!"

"Doesn't matter! We're still screwed and those damn colorful bears aren't helping either!"

"Ah, crap, there's more of them over this way!"

"Come on there's an alley over here!" We all headed to where Toji was pointing and quickly ducked in. Before we could get to the other end the sinister shadows of what seemed like a squad of Care Bears was about to turn the corner and into our path.

"We don't have time for this." Luckily the building beside us had a back door. We wasted no time getting in but the barrel we were staring down did a wonderful job of discouraging our overjoyed relief. We never seemed to get a respite these days.

/BI/: Hikari's POV :/

This was turning out to be a very bad day. I'm sure Asuka could have found some choice obscenities to describe their situation, but I didn't know what else to call it. Crawling through the dirty, dusty ventilation shafts to get out of a Psycho Care Bear infested shopping mall was not my idea of a good time.

The fact that the few odd hundred of said psycho bears directly beneath us could look up and in a fit of rage, exasperation, ecstasy, I don't know whatever, and just light up that once care filled tummy of theirs and blast us back to Nerv HQ without a parachute was not helping to settle my mind either.

Plus, that geeky guy from the book store kept trying to look up my skirt. The bastard was lucky I couldn't get a good hold on my pistol, but I swear when we were on the ground....

If anyone had seen the purely sadistic smile on my face, I doubt they would recognize it was me.

It didn't last long, though. No need to show out just yet. It wouldn't do for some one to see through my act. Besides, I liked being the nice girl. I was fun when people thought you were too naive to see how they really felt. Like Rei. She may think I didn't know, but if that blue haired hussy looked at Suzuhara again I swear.

You'd think she'd be all over Ikari, like Asuka wishes she could be in her dreams, but apparently the crimson and the azure seemed to be undecided. I was sure I could help at least one of them come to a reasonable decision. And who knows, I might be able to snatch both Suzuhara and Ikari in the deal. Last night's previous activities might help speed that up a bit.

This day was actually starting to look up. That was exactly what that bastard from the book store did and a foot to the face was what he got in return. I had to give him his prize. It was only fitting.

/BI/: Kensuke's POV :/ isn't it fun to change points of view like every other few minutes. Well, at least to me it is.

"And who might you sirs be?" The guy with the double barrel shotgun to our faces asked politely.

It was only fair that we did the same.

"Ikari, Shinji Ikari. We were just trying to find a place to hide from those... things when we saw your door." The boss stated.

"We didn't mean to intrude or anything, sir." Suzuhara and I threw in hastily.

"We were just trying to keep safe." Ikari finished.

"I see." Hopefully he did. That was a very large barrel of a very powerful gun. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to examine it, it was the new model too, but I didn't need that type of in-depth examination.

"Well, I just had to make sure you weren't up to no good. Some people seem to think that they can take advantage of others in situations like this.

"We're not those type of people." I answered back. The danger seemed to be over, but that didn't mean it couldn't return or get worse. With our current luck it would probably get worse.

"Come on in then." Finally he brought the gun down and I'm sure we all let out a mental sigh. "My name's Kudi, but you can call me Kaji." Kaji said while walking towards the door to the right that I hadn't noticed in our earlier rush.

I would have commented on his choice in names, but whatever. What odds would there be that there were two Kajis in this city... I didn't even waste the time to try and calculate that.

We followed the guy into another room where a group of people were locking and loading weapons of all types and handed his shotgun to one of them. To be short, I was in heaven. I had to wipe off the drool quick before anyone saw. Wouldn't help to look like a fool now.

"So who're the strangers Kaji? Or are they for your private collection, eh?" A guy with a Mach 10 asked while giving us a leering smile.

I had nothing against homosexuality, but that was only when it didn't concern me. So when I heard that I knew my eyes was raised, Ikari was looking like a cornered animal and Toji, well lets just say Toji was five seconds away from having all of those guys with those gorgeous weapons blast us back out into the waiting Pokemon. Before I could stop him from pulling his gun out, sticking it down that punks mouth and spraying rounds into the obviously gay guy's leering face, Mr Kaji did it for him, only he didn't shoot.

"Tunde, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not gay. And do you want me to tell Fuji you've been hitting on other guys?"

"Hey man it was just a joke! Calm down." Tunde said, waving his hands in front of his face. The leering smile was gone and a nervous one replaced it. "Besides, I wouldn't want to steal your fun."

A few of the others laughed, Kaji only cocked his gun.

"I said chill man, chill. You're too uptight. You really need a girl or something."

"I had a girl, she was my wife." Kaji put his gun away. Apparently drawing guns on people seemed to be a frequent thing for this guy. "Anyway, I found them outside on the run from the crazy Bear things."

"Still picking up strays dad?" We all turned to see who the new speaker was and if not for the gay guy still giving me odd looks and Kaji fingering that pistol of his fondly, I swear my jaw would have been earthbound.

Before us stood an fallen angel in cut offs and a T-shirt with the words 'Hazardous to your Health' across her breast. And with the way she held the glock in her hand not only did she know how to use it, she seemed to be looking for something to use it on.

I was really starting to like this place. Reminded my of the clan back at the boss's bar.

"They needed help Fumi, so I helped them. What's wrong with that?" Fumi obviously saw a few things wrong.

"Well for one we don't know who these kids are or what they're about? They could be cops for all we know?"

"Hey, who are you calling a kid!"

"Shut up Suzuhara!"

The girl merely raised an eye brow at that.

"Another thing, if you haven't noticed, there's a war going on outside. We can't just bring everybody we find with us. We don't have the supplies for that. If they can't help out, then we can't help them."

"Well she does have a point Kaji." Tunde said from the side and a few others agreed.

"Yes, I guess you're right."

"Exactly, now then, you kids are going to have to show us what you can do."

We just gave each other a look. I felt like snickering, but that wouldn't help. Ikari voiced our collected opinions.

"And what do you want us to do?"


	7. War of the fluffies prt 2

/Boss Ikari/

- lawless priest -

07 - War of the fluffies prt. 2

----------------------

/BI/: everyone's favorite blue haired, red eyed, half angel assassin's POV :/ can't you tell I'm really getting into this?

"Bastards!" was the German's war cry as she fired away at the coming enemy tide.

I did have to wonder why wouldn't the 'little annoying shits', as the lady clerk at the shoe store had called them, just die. No creature could take that many shots to the head and still continue. It wasn't logical. But of course, neither was the fact that I was in a mall parking lot, nearly waist deep in Care Bear remains while in the process of adding more of their number to the pile of fallen raving teddy bears on crack.

The clan and what others we could find were in a clustered circle attacking the creatures as we made our way toward our vehicles. Unfortunately, we had lost a few on the way, but many had been saved and even now were making their way away from this place that god had turned his eye away from.

We had just reached the car of an older woman and her husband, blasting the raving creatures as they came near. The women, who was beside me fired at a bear that had leaped above the others and would have tackled me to the floor, right into the waiting, fluffy, possessed hands of the enemy. I showed the lady my appreciation and we both continued to mow down those opposing us.

I was surprised that she was the one who had protected me. If Sohryu or one of the others had I would not have thought much on it, but that woman and her husband weren't on that list. I was all but certain that I would have been the one who ended up saving them.

They each held rifles 'borrowed' from the hunting shop that we had passed on our way here. Their aim had not been good, barely decent, for they had never used one before, but that had critically improved since our trek began. This type of exercise made sure of that.

Of course there were always exceptions. The pimply geeky kid beside me from the book store for instance. He must have gotten a lot of grief for looking like he did and for working at a book store. It was rather stereotypical to say that he was pathetically weak, he could barely hold his rifle up and his aim was worse than the old couple, but I didn't make the rules, so whatever.

At the moment he was trying to shot with while holding his black eye, neither of which actually helped his aim and it showed with shots that either never reached their intended victims, closing your eyes when your aiming does that, or ended up flying over our own heads. Of course, this only ended up bestowing the wrath of Sohryu on him.

"You know, I've seem to have pissed a lot of people off in my life." He was saying to me.

"You know, you're pissing me off right now." that shut him up. He even moved away a bit, trying to distance himself from me. His little run in with Horaki had given him a healthy fear of the clan.

Amazingly, his next shot actually took out one of the creatures. Even more amazing was the fact that he had been aiming at the one in front of him and not the one coming for Asuka who was behind him.

The red head looked to me, then pointed to him and gave me a sign. He thought we were trying to tell him something and began throwing signs and signals back at us. Sohryu looked at me and then back at him, both of us shaking our heads at his attempts to communicate.

She waved both hands in front of her to get his attention, signaling that he had misunderstood, then in all seriousness, flicked him off. He grimaced, we smiled and all was right with the world. It was almost like back when we were taking over the Kodams, except we weren't dodging the rainbow colored beams of an army of demonic teddy bears.

I was about to tell him to put his gun down and stay in the middle were it would be safe... for us more so than him, but his next shot changed that plan.

I still don't understand how it happened, but the bullet he fired missed its target, nothing new, and hit a rock or something and then somehow, somehow ricketcated off a tree and caught him in the chest.

"Did I just get shot by a tree? Damn this sucks." he didn't get to say much else before he was taken by the Bears.

"What a way to go, though." Sunja said and we all nodded.

Once the last survivors had effectively driven off without pursuit or finding an end like the Book shop kid, and after thanking us profusely, we began to move toward our own mode of transportation to begin the search for our wayward leader.

/BI/ Toji's POV/ I had to do it at least once.

"Exactly, now then, you kids are going to have to show us what you can do."

This chick had to be kidding us. And who the hell was she with this kid stuff. Hell, we had two or three years on her. I shared a look with the others. I really felt like snickering.

"And what do you want us to do?"

Ikari asked the question and we waited for the answer.

"Can you shoot a ...?" She never even got to finish her sentence before we had our pieces out, cocked and ready for whatever. "... gun?"

"What do you want to die?" I threw in. Her answer was Bears. I had been hoping for Pokemon, but unfortunately or fortunately, there weren't any around.

"We'll need ammo for our weapons when we're done. We had been trying to hold back when we met your father here." Good job Ken, cause we were screwed if these people kicked us out without a few extra clips. Mine were just about dead, too.

"Fine, just tell us what type of gun you have and we'll get you your ammo." We did, she did and we were set for some serious Care Bear Frag time. Now if I could only get Ikari off my back about that Bank thing.

/BI/ The tumulus and erratically sexy state of mind that we call Asuka's POV

We were just about to get into our car, bears at our heels when the little devils' heads began to explode. Fluffy bodies began to fall all around under the assault of automatic machine gun fire.

"You girls need any help." A black dressed man surrounded by equally dark dressed men asked with voice that made satin seem hard by comparison.

"Kaji!"

"I'll take that as a no."

Kaji, my Knight in shinning armor. Always there to rescue his damsel in distress. Why couldn't that bastard Ikari be more like him. Kaji-kun was supposed to be his mentor so why wasn't that baka learning anything.

"Can we move this along?"

"Oh, hello Misato. What are you doing here?" why was the lush always around my Kaji-kun!

"Saving your asses. What does it look like?"

"We appreciate it Ms. Katsunagi." Hikari tried to say.

"We were fully capable of surviving on our own." That was from Rei of course.

"Come on girls, lets go find your errant leader." The unshaven Section 2 agent replied, trying to hurry us along as he signaled his men's cars into defensive positions around us as we all piled back into our car.

"But we thought that they would be with you by now. Kaji-san?" Hikari asked my hunky knight for us.

"Yeah, he and the others said that they were going to head right over there didn't they." Megumi offered as well.

"And they've had plenty of time since then to get there." Sunja finished for her sister.

"Obviously that is not the case. Ikari-kun and the others most have been stopped along the way."

"If it was so obvious why'd you have to say it then, eh wonder girl?"

"Because it may not have been as apparent to you Sohryu."

That Ayanami, I swear, was going to catch an ass whooping one day for that smart mouth of hers.

"So how are we going to find them, then? We still have no idea where to look?" Megumi asked Kaji while still keeping an eye out for any stray Care Bears.

"His cell phone, we can trace it." and with that we were off.

/BI/ Shinji, aka 'the man', aka 'angel slayer', aka 'THAT BAKA!', Ikari's POV

It came left with another coming from the right walking along the side of the wall. The little bastards thought they were smart. It was a shame that they were lying to themselves. The one on the left ducked behind a trashcan as I fired, the shots bouncing off and away. His friend had no such can to hide behind and wasn't as lucky.

The bear landed hard from the shot to the gut. It tried to crawl toward its friend, who gave him cover fire, blasting a hole in the wall that had been behind me. But I was across the alley and had a clear view of both the cute little shits. It was over before it had really started, but I checked my clip for a quick ammo count. It helped to be informed.

I could hear Suzuhara and Aida off in the cut somewhere. The echoes of their gun fire dying down. It was time to head back. We had done what we had came for.

I had to admit that I was close to shooting the punk behind me who they had sent to watch my little show, who didn't think to pull out his piece and help out. A few of those times I was really done for if it had not been for the famous Ikari luck that seemed to do more damage than aide.

"So, tell me, what was your name again?" I asked my silent admire. It was getting dark now and I still knew very little about the people we were hanging around with.

"Taisho."

"Well Taisho, how'd you like our little show? It was proudly sponsored by these bastards." I said pointing to the pile of bears.

He merely smirked and followed me toward where we last heard the racket the Stooges were making. I had my piece ready. If you hadn't noticed from all of the almost daily foolishness, in this city, you could never be too careful.

Kensuke was waiting on the step of some building's back door. His watcher from the gun shop with him. Oh, yeah. Apparently we had ran into the owner of the gun shop without knowing it. We laughed our asses off when Kudi told us. It did explain the stockpile of weapons if not there aversion of the cops, but who really liked the cops anyway.

I posted up on the wall and we all chilled waiting for the others. Five minutes later Toji and his watcher ran up. Ken and I made sure they hadn't been followed by any Bears.

"Your late Suzuhara."

"Sorry, I just got mugged on the way by these two bees trying to get it on."

"What?" Aida asked. I was thinking the same thing. The hell was he talking about.

"Yeah, they were all into it man, you know."

"No, we don't." I threw in.

"So, what, they were gay bees or something?" That was from Ken.

"Gay bees? The hell are you talking about?" Now Toji was confused.

"What do you mean 'what am I talking about'?" I could already tell it was going to be one of those conversations. They didn't call Ken and Toji Stooges for nothing.

"You just said you saw two bees going at it, right?" The spiky haired man nodded. "Well then, they're gay bees then." I tried to help out. I knew he got it then.

"Why do they have to be gay? That's just wrong of you man to just label them like that. They're just bees Aida, Ikari. You just can't say that about them!"

I guess I was wrong.

"Dude, they are bees damnit! Sure we can!" Kensuke obviously had had enough.

"Um... Toji, you do know that there's only one female bee in the

whole colony, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Wow, that must suck for them."

...sigh,

'Let it go, Ikari, just let it go.' My inner voices were telling me.

"Toji." I was wondering if Ken's inner voices were telling him the same as mine.

"What?"

"Shut up." Strike two for two Ikari.

"I'm just saying man..." Oh no, he's trying to explain himself! 'There's nothing you can say!' I wanted to scream.

"And I'm saying shut up."

"Hey, it's not tha..."

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Yeah, but?"

"Obviously you didn't because you're still talking."

"Oh, come on. I just..."

"So let me remind you, since you didn't hear the first few times."

"Dude, calm dow..."

"I said, SHUT UP! You get that ok?" He nodded with his hands holding his ears. The rest of us copied him.

"Good." Satisfied, the glasses wearing military otaku headed back for the shop.

All I could do was shake my head as Toji followed a few feet behind him.

"Do you go through this type of stuff all the time?" Our watchers asked me. I had almost forgoten that those guys were even there. They all had these stupefied expressions on their faces.

"You have no idea. Ha! You haven't even met the girls yet! Hell, that's when the show really gets going."

They just looked at me not knowing what to say. I left them to it and hurried up to the other two, hoping there weren't any Care Bears around to hear all of that mess. They'd probably start thinking the human race was loony or something.

/BI/

"So how were they?" Fumi questioned the three that the Gun Shop Crew had sent out with us.

They replied that we were very adept at gun play and that we obviously weren't new to this type of deal. Overall, we kicked ass and that they would be happy to empty their pockets for us, offer us their daughters and personally bow before the greatness that was the Ikari Clan.

Ok, ok...maybe, just maybe I embellished just a little.

Most of those guys were too ugly to have children. They wouldn't have a prayer of a chance with any girl long enough to get her name before getting kicked in the balls on the general basis of being such hideous bastards, let alone spending the night with one.

There wasn't enough booze in the world for that.

But anyway... The Gun Shop Crew liked what they heard and Kudi's daughter gave her grudging respect.

"Fine, you can stay with us for awhile. If your hungry we've got so food in the next room." Of course this got Toji's attention so the girl led the way and we followed.

"So tell me about yourselves. Your gun skill tells me that you've been on the streets for a while. Who are you three, really?"

"Why don't you tell us about yourself as well?" That was from Ken. He had this dreamy look in his eyes, but his prescription shades hid it well. Trust a Section 2 agent to have prescription black sun glasses.

"Yeah, your dad runs a gun store, so what's with the rest of the crew?" I had to add in. I just didn't get their operation. It might be something that the clan needed to get into.

"You answer mine and I'll answer yours."

"Sure." We were at the table by then and Toji was stuffing his face. "We run with one of the gangs around here, doing odd jobs now and then. We got caught at the bank on our way to see one of our folk when those things started attacking each other."

"Is this all you have?" She pointed to Ken and Toji.

"No, there are a few others, but I don't know where they're at right now." Fumi nodded in understanding.

"Well, as for us" she began, "to keep it simple we're Mercs. Somebody will request our services for some job and if we like the price we do it. It's as simple as that."

"I see." I would have said more, but Tunde came in looking for Fumi.

"Someone's here, come on." We all gave each other a look and loaded up just in case.

"It's always something in this city isn't it." Aida complained as we all followed the AK-47 holding queer mercenary.

When we came into the room everyone was set up in defensive positions, ready for whoever was coming through that door. We were no exception. I had already ordered Aida and Suzuhara into position and was waiting like the others as Fumi went to open the door.

Judging from her expression it wasn't as dangerous as we had thought, but whoever it was had said something that caught her attention. As she escorted the person in I figured the sight of us all locked and loaded would have freaked them out. A room full of nervous guys with automatic rifles, shotguns and submachine guns will do that to poelpe.

Yet when the two walked in these were the farthest thoughts from my head.

"Misato?" There dressed in her usual red bomber jacket and figure hugging black dress that had caused a total of 12564 car accidents from a glance on the street just last year alone was the one and only Misato Katsuragi.

"Shinji-kun, there you are. We were so worried." Toji and Kensuke were both looking like two doped up fools so I knew my own face had to be just as lost. I could already here the jealous mutterings from the rest of the Gun Shop Mercenaries.

"Um, what the hell?"

"Hey Ikari time to go." And Kaji was with her it seemed.

"Father, you had better come here." Fumi's father came immediately, shotgun ready.

"So, what's the probl... Ryouji?"

"Kudi?"

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean 'what am I doing here, this is my place? What are you doing here?"

"I came for them?" The head of Section 2 said pointing to us.

"Oh, so this kid works for you?" Kudi gave me a look.

"No, I work for him." That got everyone's attention especially Fumi and Tunde.

"Hey Ikari, hurry your ass up!" Aghh, so Asuka was here too.

"Yes Ikari-kun, we must hurry." And Rei as well.

"Section 2 has located the item, Boss Ikari sir."

"And if we don't hurry we may lose it again."

"But of course if you'd like to spend some time alone with us, we wouldn't mind, sir." Horaki and the rest of the clan of course.

"No the hell you wont!" Only Asuka could scream like that.

I couldn't help but sweat drop and give another mental sigh. They were outside and I could still here there voices. How could they yell that loud.

"Cherr up Boss," Toji said while giving me a pat on the back.

"Yeah, maybe they'll kill each other off and then it'll just be us again?" Ken tried to help out too. But Toji saw the flaw just as I did.

"Not likely, and besides Big Red might just decided to waste us all and go back to Russia."

"Germany."

"Whatever, same thing."

"Good point, but she wouldn't leave Ayanami here alone with the boss."

"And it's not like she could actually kill her. Rei's too good for that."

"True, true."

The rest of the Gun Shop Mercenaries just looked on us in confusion probably wondering just who the hell were we.

"Uncle Ryouji, long time no see." Fumi was saying to our Kaji.

"Oh, hey Fumi. You've grown quite a bit since I last saw you."

"I didn't know you had a niece Kaji?" Misato looked at the S2 agent in shock.

"Yeah, well now you know. So how you doing kid?"

"Fine, the business is doing well."

"I'm sure."

"So, are you going to explain what's going on here?" The fallen angel of the Gun Shop Mercs asked.

"Um, maybe later."

"Maybe now." She was fondling her pistol again. The look she gave the man more or less got her point across.

The unshaven man looked from one women to the other. "You sure you two haven't met."

"No Kaji. Now I sorry we couldn't stay longer for your little family reunion, but we have business to deal with, remember, so lets hurry up and be out. And that means you too Shinji-kun."

"Hey Shinji," Kaji was saying to me. "you'd better go check on your Harlem, they seem to be ..." the pistol in his face cut off whatever else he was going to say. "Geting restless." Okay maybe not.

"Ok kid, chill." Even with a gun to his head the man was still as smooth as ever.

"Please, I swear, I'd rather deal with my father."

"Isn't that a bit harsh?" I just looked at him.

"Well, maybe not, but still, you're the only one that can keep them under control." He gave me a smile and I shoved the gun harder on his face.

"Hey Boss, here." Toji and Aida started handing me their pieces with some extra ammo. "You might need it man." Toji said. I thanked them both and gave them a hand shake. We said our farewells and Kensuke asked if he could have my stereo system. I told him it's all in the will.

I was positive no one outside of the clan knew what was going on. Here Suzuhara and Aida were acting as if they were sending me to my death in all seriousness. Maybe to someone else it may have seemed funny. I would like to have met that person... and thanked him profusely with my Berettas for thinking my situation was in any way funny.

But whatever, I think I'm diverging from the point or going on a tangent again. Sorry. Ok let's see what was the point... hmm... the point... the point...?

Oh, yeah, the point! Asuka and the girls. How could I forget.

"At the door I took a calming breath, straitened my jacket anD brushed off my collar for imaginary dust.

"Hey Kaji." one last thing needed to addressed.

"Yeah?"

"We might need new replacements soon."

"I'LL get right on it."

I stepped outside in the night air, unto the stage and into the waiting hoards.

"Ikari-san!"

"Boss Ikari, sir!"

"Ikari-kun."

"IKARI!"

And the crowd screamed my name, anticipating a stunning performance.

Inside the Gun Shop the others talked amongst themselves for a while, but the initial sounds of gun shots and the answering fire told the story of how well things had progressed.

Ah, a night in Tokyo 3. It was always a 'memorable' occasion.


	8. 08 A Neo Willy Wonka

/Boss Ikari1/

- lawless priest -

08 - A Neo Willy Wonka

My name is Ikari, Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Anyway, every since my 21st birthday, my father forced me to take the reins of the family business, things around here have become... extremely weird. But whatever, I take it as just another day in this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.

---------------------

Boring.

That was the word that had been running through my mind for some time now. It was around 9:30 pm and I was in my black Skyline parked in dark street corner, just waiting for a call. I had my head resting by the window, merely contemplating how much of a bastard my father was in general. Rei was in the front seat, her head turned toward the other window gazing out of the smoked glass, the night sky holding her full attention. Asuka was in the back, and not too happy about it, with her thoughts lost somewhere in the upholster.

Boring.

It had been 20 minutes since Asuka had last said that to me and three hours since the German girl had started to complain, four hours since Misato had given us the call, six hours since Megumi had tried to kiss me back at Kudi's shop and 2 days since the JSSDF's counteract that more less finished off that Pokemon/Care Bear revolt that had nearly leveled downtown. I had sooo wanted to get into that, but nooo, somebody just had to go see Kaji. So, we missed all the fun.

2 and a half weeks.

That was how long ago it was since our new informant, Mana, had hit us with the tip, the Kodama sisters had joined our crew and father had sent us on this wild goose chase.

Things had gotten a little strange for a while there after father had called us to his office. I can remember it all clearly like it was yesterday... except, it wasn't. It was 2 and a half weeks ago. You all know that because I just bloody told you not five seconds ago.

Anyway...

It was right after we had met up with Misato and the sisters when the culinary illiterate Major got a call from the boss. He wanted to see me and told me to bring the clan. So, I did, and met him in his office.

/: inserting flashback :/ you should know how this works by now.

I stood in the middle of the that huge shadow infested room that he called an office. I always expected to find a pentagram and star etched on the ceiling every time I came in there. Only devils congregated in that place and their leader sat behind the only furniture in the room.

For a an infinite amount of time there was only silence, but since I had places to be I called an end to it.

"Father..."

But not by much. That place stifled rebellious thoughts with an malevolent prejudice.

"I have a job for you."

That was it. No greeting, no hello, I mean, he at least could have humored me and just said 'Son.' in his usual deadpan, but no.... he just got strait to the point. When was the last time we talked? I swear man. But really, who was I kidding, this was Gendo Ikari, 'that bastard', you know the one. What did I really expect from him anyway, right?

"What kind of job?" I replied, trying to hurry this along.

"One of our subsidiary companies, Geherin, was broken into yesterday. An item of extreme importance was stolen from one of their labs. I'm sending you to retrieve the item and bring back the individuals responsible in for questioning."

'Subsidiary company, Geherin? That's not right?'

"Geherin? What are you talking about? We don't own a company called Geherin."

Father only answered with silence.

One of my inner voices spoke up suddenly in my head.

'Hey, you do know that he usually only does that when we say something stupid, right?'

Three more joined the first one.

'Or when he doesn't want to answer our questions' one said.

'Or when he's not listening to what we say.' came from another.

'Or when he's just trying to piss us off.'

The original looked sheepish for a moment. 'Ok, so he does this a lot.'

"Shinji." the old man called.

"Yes, father?"

"... Shut up."

'Ha, ha, I told you he does it when we say something stupid.'

'Shut up Baka! He just insulted us!'

"But Geherin ... wait, oh, yeah, right. You mean Nerv. Inc." Nerv was the code name for one of our side projects that Dr. Akagi headed, called Geherin. Yep, I really felt like a rectum then, especially since I was in the said companies main building. I could literally hear the walls screaming 'Good job, dumb ass!"

Father just looked at me from behind the white gloves of those folded hands of his, but I could have sworn I thought I saw him roll his eyes at me. Naw, it was just the light reflecting of his shades, even though there was no light in the room, so I don't know how that happened exactly, but it wasn't like that was the first time, so whatever, I let it go.

Inside the voices in my head were still going on about how right they were, and how much of an ass Father had just made me look like. But all the while, all I could think about was 'these idiots are the reason I'm always getting in trouble.'

'Nope! It's the red head.' They all answered in unison.

'Oh. yeah. How do I keep forgetting that.' They did have a point.

'It's because she's so cute.' the first three said.

'Hell, the blue headed chick is cute too, man!' the last one throw in.

'Whatever, she's got nothing on the red head!' the others retorted.

'How can you say that?'

'With ease man. With ease.'

"Shinji!"

Fathers booming voice shocked me back to the present and out of the budding argument from within my head.

"You will report to Dr. Akagi for more information on the item. I expect timely reports on your progress. Dismissed."

The voices were now auguring about whose fault it was that we had gotten yelled at. Tuning out the ranting in my head I went about my business and left.

/: end flashback :/

Akagi had given us what info she thought we would need to find the item in question. And she was right, it did help. Not soon after, we had been off on the search.

We had been on the job for sometime, which I'm not going to repeat again, but I just needed to say that because the voices in my head made me, so whatever. There were more interesting things that happened along the way, like the... naw, I can't tell you that, that would be too incriminating and the girls might find out. I'm not about to lose a vital part of my anatomy, at least it is to me, just to entertain you people. You punks better not be laughing, it's not funny.

I'm sure Asuka would say otherwise, but she didn't know and didn't need to know. What she did need was something to do. The last time she had commented, more like whined but I'll be damned if I repeat that out loud, about how bored she was had been the third time that day. If nothing of interest happened soon I was going to be thrown in a rather bad situation pretty fast.

Lucky for us or me, I doubt Rei cared, the phone rang and about time, too. We had been waiting for that call for close to four and half hours.

"SHINJI!"

"Aghhh! What are you screaming in my ear for?"

"I'm trying to wake you up."

"I wasn't asleep"

"I know."

"... Damn you Asuka."

She merely smiled.

Blowing out an aggravated breath, I didn't waste time to concern myself with Asuka. It would only lead to trouble. I picked up the phone and answered it while giving my nemesis a dirty look that she didn't see, and thank god, through the rear view.

It was Kensuke, it was on.

I gave the others a nod and got out the car with them following. It was game time. All foolishness was left behind. We had a job to do. Ahead of us was one of your typical warehouses, closed for the day, that was going to be used for some disreputable act or another.

I wondered if there were times where two different gangs sometimes chose the same warehouse for their dirty work and got confused when far more people than necessary showed up. I'd bet that would've been a very... interesting case for the cops when gangs, who previously had nothing against each other, start killing one another because of a mix up between which warehouse was booked that week. They should probably invest in 'vacant, this spots been taken' and 'do not disturb, nefarious dealings going on inside' signs.

But of course, all of that was a bit foolish and I really needed to focus on the job at hand. I really had more pressing things to focus on and deal with. Funny, I just said the same thing twice using almost all of the same words. Ok, maybe it wasn't funny, but whatever.

All of our prey had just arrived to the afore mentioned booked warehouse. Strangely, I found I was actually looking forward to this. Maybe I just wanted to get this over with. The hunt had taken far too much of my time as it was. And I really just wanted to get back to my bed and my SDAT player. This whole gangster thing kind of wears on you if you know what I mean.

Yeah, you probably don't. And if you did, would you really be reading this?

Whatever, I was here now and it would end now. Or at least it had better, damnit!

/BI/ Rei's POV

Condoms.

That had been the word that had been going through my mind as I waited with the others for the operation to begin. I could her Sohryu in the back of the car complaining about how bored she was. This was the third time. Once was a bad thing, but three was a dangerous number when dealing with the German women. But of course, nearly everything was dangerous when dealing with the highly volatile explosives expert.

Condoms.

That was what we were going to need if something didn't happen soon to occupy her to spare ourselves her wrath, even if I wasn't really going to complain if it did come to that. Why would I when we were the only ones in the car with Shinji.

I was quite sure that Ikari-kun was beginning to fear for his life right about now. Especially considering what had happened last time at that social gathering, I believe Sohryu had called it a party, at Mr. Kaji's club. That had been a... strangely pleasing experience. Even Horaki had joined in, but the young Ikari's adamant protest effectively prevented any chances of a reoccurring situation.

That needed to be changed, but there was nothing I could do about that now. I would have to get with Sohryu later to discuss 'strategy' after the mission was accomplished. Yes, once this was over with there would be plenty of time to concern myself with such thoughts, no... activities. I was tired of 'thoughts'.

No... thoughts just wouldn't do anymore. Action was an immediate requisite.

A smiled filtered across my face as I gazed at the stars. I was beginning to point out constellations that resembled Ikari-kun in compromising positions when the phone rang. I was a bit miffed at being disturbed, but the time had come, so I calmed myself. I had a job to do.

/BI/ Asuka's POV

We were on the side of the warehouse waiting for Shinji's signal. I had my trusty Nerv issue SMG ready at my side while Ayanami was ready and waiting with one of Nerv's new automatic rifle designs. Lt. Ibuki had handed it over rather reluctantly but somehow Shinji had convinced her to give it up. I wasn't sure what the deal was there but as long as we got better equipment I couldn't care in the least. Of course if that flat chested little girl thought she could get all touchy feelly on one Shinji Ikari, then we were going to have a few issues that needed abating.

But enough of that, it was a wonderful night and it would have been better if the night air didn't blew cold breezes through the cloudless sky which our plug suits did nothing to shield us from.

"Why couldn't we just wear our regular clothes for this, Ikari. I'm freezing my gorgeous ass off over here." I whispered harshly in our 'leader's ear.

"You are aware that our plug suits have an insulating system installed made specifically for situations such as these, Sohryu?"

The night air was silent for some time as I found and initiated said device and sought to come up with a suitable cutting retort, but unfortunately I never got the chance cause Ikari chose that time to give us the signal.

"Apparently your gorgeous ass was not aware."

'Bastard' I muttered. 'Stupid Wondergirl.'

We moved on slowly and stopped when we reached the edge of the wall. Shinji took a peak around the corner then turned back toward us and signaled the plan. Ayanami and I acknowledged our understanding and moved into action. Rei took to the roof while I went for the back entrance. The fools inside weren't going to know what hit them. And if that blue haired tramp slipped on her way up, all the better.

"Stupid hentai Baka and his blue dome drone Dummkopf."

/BI/ The young Ikari's POV

Asuka and Rei were making their way off to their own positions. One of them muttering the whole way. I've got 50 yen on everyone guess who could be. I'll expect payment with the week and none of you had better try to short change me. That aside, all I had to do was wait for them to get into place. And then this whole thing would go down. Toji and Ken had to be in position by now as well. Everything was set.

I took a few calming breaths and readied my silenced tranquilizer pistol. Ms. Ibuki had hooked it up just for me as a present for giving her such a good time that day awhile back. I couldn't help but blush a bit at the thought of the petite Tech assistant. Her smile was still getting to me and that had been a good week ago.

The yawn from the guard guarding - what else would a guard be doing. I mean they are guards - the front entrance told me it was time. Turning the corner I didn't give him a chance to do anything but raise an eyebrow. Unfortunately raising an eyebrow didn't stop the tranquilizer darts from impacting in his neck or that bird from crapping on his falling form. Don't know where it came from actually. It wasn't there before, but whatever it still had to suck, whether the guy was conscious or not. I did have to rush to catch him before he hit the ground, though. We didn't want to alert the enemy any earlier that we needed to.

I made my way into the warehouse slowly, hiding behind huge stacks of boxes as I made my way to the center. I could hear people talking as I moved. Their words were unintelligible, so I moved closer while trying to keep as quiet as possible. But every time I touched one of the boxes they would sway a bit and scrape against one of its neighbors. For a moment there I was sure one of them would fall as I passed by and screw the whole operation up.

I was really glad that I had opted to use the plug suits for this job or this would have been a bit harder. Anyway, my persistence paid off and I made it close enough to the parties in question to hear them. Too bad I couldn't see them. Sound would just have to do for now.

"So, you're sure it will do exactly what you promised?"

"Yes, I assure you, it will perform as I have explained."

"You had better not be screwing with me Nagisa, cause I swear!"

'Nagisa, where have I heard that name before?' Something Mana had said kept running through my head as I thought of this, but the others were still talking and I couldn't really focus on her words.

"Please General, we have been business partners for some time now. You know me well enough to know that I would not do something so foolish as that. It's bad for business."

'A general, eh?' Hmm... this was getting interesting. No wonder the military was involved, but I wondered if they know that.

"Besides, where would I be if I screwed you in this and the item didn't work? Keel would still have his hold over me and everything I have done so far will have been for nothing."

'Keel... Lorenz Keel? Oh, shit! Why did that bastard have to be involved.'

"So, General, it would be more appropriate to say that YOU had better not screw with me because I would hate to have to do something unbecoming of a gentleman in response to your betrayal."

So, one of old Skeletor's minions was trying to break from the Grim Reapers grip. sigh... this could get messy. They don't call him the Reaper for nothing. No one has ever gotten away after he's gotten a hold of them. This Nagisa punk was putting himself on a path toward a horrific end.

"Tell me one thing, once this thing starts, how do we bring it to an end?"

"That my friend is where you come in. Once I've initiated the plan, nothing short of the entire forces of the JSSDF will be able to stop it. What happened with the pokemon was nothing but a small taste of the power this thing has."

"I see..."

"I hope you do because we don't have time for screw ups."

Apparently there was more to all of this than I had presumed... presumed, who really used words like that, anyway, whatever it was they stole from father was obviously more dangerous than I had first believed and it seemed that that Nagisa guy was going to use it again. Now we couldn't have that, now could we? Of course not, even though it would be kind of fun to get our revenge on those bastard pokemon, but no, I had to stay focused.

One of them moved, scraping against the box I happened to be hiding behind. Evidently they were a lot closer than I had originally guessed. So, I thought, why not. Putting my back against the stack behind me, I gave it a good push and sat back in the cut and watched it all come tumbling down.

/BI/ Rei

Up in the upper levels of the warehouse I had a unobstructed view of my targets and the buildings goings on. I tracked Ikari-kun's movements through the maze of columned boxes awaiting an appropriate opportunity to raise havoc.

The two men who had been talking amongst themselves over a odd off shaped black oval, that must have bent the reputed item we were sent after and as their guards stood looking between each other like bored pit bulls one of them suddenly cried out. A large stack of boxes had hit a few of the stacks closer to them and the lot of them began to fall.

Of course this frightened the General and his companion. You should have heard their shouts of surprise. Now was as good a time as ever, so taking aim with my newly acquired rifle, I laid a number of 'goons' as the Stooges called them, to their knees or their faces as it were. It was a highly invigorating activity, but I kept my cool of course. No need to get excited over a few deaths.

I could hear the sounds of sub machine gun fire being traded off somewhere on the western side of the building. That would be Sohryu, clearing a path toward the item. Men seemed to fall at the sound of her approach. It could have been because of her weapon, but I was certain it was her acidic voice and presence.

/BI/ Asuka

Before me stood an older man in his early 40's in a military outfit who was obviously the general that I had over heard speaking to his partner in crime holding a weird looking off shaped black oval. -whatever that meant- This guy was dressed in a nice all white suit with a matching mop of platinum colored hair. On anybody else I would have figured the guy for a homo, but I wasn't so sure about this one. I just never expected to see any male around my age in something like that and looking so... feminine about as well. I didn't want to say it, but the guy was looking good. The word **Bioshien **kept coming to mind. But it was nice, I'll give him that.

It was easy to tell he was the one orchestrating this whole plot from his not necessarily outlandish but outspoken style, dress and his stance, but all that aside, he hand more goons surrounding him. The punk with the most goons was always the head honcho, or about to be the head honcho, either way.

"Hands up! Don't move!" I was really hoping they would give me a reason to shoot. "Come on, just one of you sneeze without saying bless you or something, please." The smile on my face when I said this couldn't have done much to help ease their minds, but that was sort of the point.

They looked from me to each other, and then they moved, more like ran, but it was all really the same to me. My shots followed them, making little of their bodyguards as they attempted to intercept my attack. Bakas.

Apparently somewhere in the midst of the earlier gun fight they had become shit-shocked. In their ongoing battle not to get their asses kicked they had forgotten about basic strategy and common sense. Hiding behind a large stack of wooden boxes was not going to stop high powered projectiles flying towards them at extreme rates of speed.

That goes back to high school physics. I mean come on. Hell, even Suzuhara knew that at least.

They didn't last long, leaving me a clear path to follow the two Boss men. White suit had taken the item with him, leaving the case, and making him the main target. So I gave chase. That punk wasn't going to get away from me.

/BI/ Ikari-kun's POV

I watched behind another stack of boxes as the general and the other guy took off with the item. Following them closely wasn't too hard, Actually with the chaos going on all around, it was fairly easy and neither of the two had a clue.

Unfortunately we were getting mighty close to the exit so I had to intervene in their little get away. A careful shot sent the General down. He was finished for today, but he wasn't out of the race, yet.

"Freeze! Move and I'll have to ruin your pretty little coat." The white suited guy stopped at my cry. He really didn't have much choice. "By the way, nice out fit. You know where I can get one its like?"

"Of course, Tarika Inc. can have one made for your for a respectable price, but it does help to have another, just in case."

Red

His eyes were Red

I had come to know that red was a dangerous color. It being the color of blood, stop signs, stop lights, warning signs, incoming missile lock on lights and then there was that whole universally known WARNING1 CODE RED! ATTACKING ENEMY FORCES DETECTED! thing.

But all of that was small compared to what I had referenced that color to. God gives you these little signs every now and then. And he expects you to you know, wake up and take heed and if you're lucky you just might survive whatever the come BS might have in store for you.

But, I was an Ikari and we didn't believe in warning signs and all that careful crap. As long as you had a pistol. a few extra clips and a free hand you'd be all right. Of course, in Tokyo - 3 you'd probably need a little more than that.

But as for that Nagisa charater... well, he gave me this weird, almost wistful look. Those deep red eyes of his stared hard into my own dark blue ones, almost as if he was trying to see through me, into my soul. But I had had enough of that gay shit.

"Yeah, um.. sure. Anyway... back to the point. Set the item down, slowly... "

He complied, staring me in the eyes again, only this time with a rather mixed expression. I couldn't tell if he was either peeved or frighten. Maybe it was a bit both, I figured. Looking back on it, I should have shot him then. I just had that feeling when I told him to freeze. Those voices in my head were going off again, saying crap like,

'cap that bastard, didn't you get that warning notice?'

'screw the warning, just shoot him and lets get this over with.'

'yeah, we can get the goods when he's dead.'

'and the that suit of his too.'

'get off the suit, we're on the job here!'

'no, you're on the job, I'm on break.'

'whatever. just shoot the punk and take the item.'

'and what if he drops it and breaks it?'

'Asuka will have our asses is what.'

'so just deal with it. It'll only take a few minutes anyway.'

.... sigh. My conscience was a dumb ass. But that wasn't breaking news, so I let it pass as just another brief moment of insanity. I really should've listened.

Right before Mr. Red eyes set what I had been running all around town for down, he pressed into its sides and the thing began to glow. Of course I put one in the punk for trying to play me. That was basic procedure. You know how it is. He took it in the shoulder and fell crashing back onto the floor. But the light emitting from the item effectively took away my vision. When it did finally subside, the white suited guy was gone.

Now when did he have the time to run away? Ok, dumb question. What I should have been asking was how come I didn't hear him and how'd he make it out of here blind? I was in the motion of answering a few of those questions when Asuka came barrowing into me, slamming me to the ground. She had a gun to my head screaming "Hand over the item suit boy, now or I'm cutting off a new toy for my collection!"

"I would if you'd get off me, Asuka and what collection?" After giving me a sheepish look for a moment and I swear giving my butt a quick fondling, naw... it was just my imagination, she complied saying something about me hearing things. I handed her the item which had once been a off shaped black oval -off shaped? who thought that up- but was now clearly, a golden smurf.

And yes... I did just say smurf. Yeah... I know. WTf!

"It's... it's a...."

"Yeah, it is."

"But?"

"I know."

"But it couldn't be, right?"

"Naw, it's probably just the glare, you know, making us see something else."

"That was a dumb explaination!"

"Oh, and you've got one better!"

"Whatever!"

We both looked back between it and ourselves trying to deny what our eyes were telling us, but finally we gave in to the reality of it all and sighed like the weigh of some 300 pound JPOP fervent obsessive zealot - oh I'm sorry, I mean fan's sizeable frame had been place on our shoulders.

"Damn..." we said together. I was going to say more, but... damn.I mean, that was clearly just not what I was expecting. I mean, it's a bloody smurf! And a golden one at that. What was pops thinking, seriously? No really what the - or what in the, for you serious grammar type bastards - hell was going on. I mean...

... a smurf?

but seriously ... a golden smurf?

No really, seriously... what was I trying to say again? oh yeah... I was going to say that I have absolutely no clue what I was just talking about and my mission to somehow remember anything related to that point was a failure, a bust, a no go, incomplete, not happening, etc.... and any other adjective or phrase that would fit the bill. Hell, you guys can probably think up a few of your own, right?

So get to it. Oh and yes I am one incredibly lazy son of a bastard, you know the one, but come on, I'm serious this time... why are you looking so surprised, I thought you all knew that, so why really would I waste my valuable time thinking up this foolishness if you could do it on your own.

And for that matter why are you people still reading this crap? You'd think you'd have skipped down already to the part where I remembered what I was trying to say and got back to the story, but apparently you cats aren't as smart as I figured you out to be. My mistake. Man are you people a bunch of Bakas, I swear. What's your proble....

Guns shots rang out and shattered my train of thought again and the pain erupting in my thigh was not helping the situation much. This only worked to further disrupt me from my new goal to sorely - and surely, but more sorely than surely - piss off the people who were reading this.

"Oh, man Ikari, are you alright?"

Toji... Who else would it be?

"Toji?"

"Um, yes Boss?"

"Did you just shoot me?"

"It looks that way."

"No, Toji, it is that way!"

"Would you believe that I'm sorry?"

I didn't even bother to answer him, I just gave him a look that said 'RUN YOU LUCKLESS BASTARD! RUN NOW!'

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, the spiked haired agent took his clue and ran like the full glory of hell itself - who we call Asuka, who promptly smacked me on the back of the head for writing that part with the mandatory BAKA! - was behind him.

I gave him a five second head start.....

Ha, ha, ha! Like hell! I was popping caps at that punk at 2 and looking for a rocket launcher at 4. 'That bastard shot me damnit!' Stupid Tokyo - 3!


	9. 09 The devil's deal

/Boss Ikari/

- lawless priest -

09 - The devil's deal

My name is Ikari, Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Anyway, every since my 21st birthday, my father forced me to take the reins of the family business, things around here have become... extremely weird. But whatever, I take it as just another day in this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.

---------------------

/BI/ when I figure out whose POV this one is, I'll tell you.

It was the next morning and we were at Nerv's private hospital. And yes my family's company does have its own hospital.

Suzuhara stood in his dark black dress coat and black slacks, looking like, well, a gangster in a hospital. Aida with us too and stood by his counter parts side, chuckling slightly at the scene we made.

"Boss, I... " This was the fourth time he had started like this. But I wasn't having it.

"Toji."

"Yes, sir?"

The uncertainty was clear in his voice. Of course shooting your boss did sort of instill that type of fear in a man. We were on our way out, me in my wheelchair and the other two on their feet. I held the urge within me to put them in wheelchairs as well. But that would be more of a set back than anything and we didn't need that, now.

"What did I tell you?"

"Don't do shit, don't say shit, don't think shit, and hell, don't pull any shit."

"Exactly, so why are you breaking the second rule?"

"I was just trying to say I was sorry."

"And that Toji, is what we would classify as shit. So don't."

"Well now, apparently somebody's used up all of there curse words for the day."

Why was Aida talking smack now. I was more than pissed off enough as it were and it was a struggle to keep my calm. I never figured I'd be shot by one of my own.

"Kensuke, don't get shot. This isn't the time, alright. I am not in the mood."

"Hey, man chill. Just making a point." He was still laughing as he said it which gave me the clue that he really didn't care and was going to be an ass no matter what.

"Yeah, and my point is if you keep talking you'll be in a wheelchair too and soon. So watch it."

"Man! Why does every problem with you people have to be solved with violence. I mean, can't you guys jus..."

BANG!

"Some people just don't know when to shut up."

I warned the punk, but he wouldn't listen. Toji was checking the scene for security guards and trying unsucessfully stifle his laughter. It didn't matter. They weren't going to arrest me in my own hospital.

"You shot me?" Obviously the blond one was in shock.

"No, your mouth shot you. I merely pulled the trigger."

"Damnit, Ikari! You can't just go around shooting people!"

BANG!

"Aghh! DAMN YOU IKARI!"

AN: ok... I'm guessing it's still Shinji's POV. You've been noted. Notice that you have been noted. Have you noticed? Are you aware? Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth/fingers/head/thoughts/brain/malfunction/memory loss/wtf/hth/wth/

... sigh enough of that. /AN

/ sometime later... /

"So you were able to recover the item?"

"Yes, we did."

We were back at head quarters and in my fathers office, other wise known as Hell's back door and purgatory's out house.

The events of the past few hours weren't all that acceptable and looking up at father from a wheelchair as he stood a few feet in front of me with those same cold indifferent, unforgiving eyes of his didn't help much either.     AN: there's supossed to be a comma or two in that sentence somewhere, just thought you should know AN/      It only made me feel more like lame than I usually did when I was in there.

I know Aida had to feel twice as foolish. He didn't have the experience of having to deal with this devil on a day to day basis in his own den.

I could tell that everyone in my crew was working hard not to break out into a sweat in front of him. Me, I was more ashamed at being shot by one of my subordinates.

I remember back when I was young and still a weak little boy while my mother was still alive, we used to sit at the breakfast table every morning and my father would give me these tips on how to rule over a massive criminal underworld type organization, saying that a weak punk like me would need all of the help I could get. Of course this earned him a slap for saying it and two for thinking it. Mother was strict on things like that.

/: entering flashback mode.....

ok...

.. let's get to it.....

what the freak is the hold up....

... oh. I didn't flip the switch. ... cough dumbass :/

One of the servants had just set the table and mother had given us the sign that we could eat. She was rather big on blessing the food and both us male Ikaris received severe punishments for attempting to snatch a bite before doing so. Of course for the old man that meant sleeping on a couch in the one of Nerv's employee lounges.

Everyone knew when not to piss her off when one of staff found the Commander sprawled out on one of those numerous lumpy pieces of furniture that you'd swear was stuffed full of rocks. Which is probably why he had the place outfitted with such nice comfortable furniture these days.

It's rather funny because even to this day when we do - how ever rare it is - sit down for a meal we tend to sit there in silence for about five minutes, waiting for her to give us the sign before we realize that she's not going to, cause she's not there.

Yeah, we Ikari men are pretty pathetic, but none of you had better not go around repeating any of this, you hear? Of course you do. I may be in a wheel chair, but father is the one you'd have to worry about. I'm done threatening people, I'll just let him deal with it all.

Anyway... what was I going on about. Ah, yes, Underlings 101. This course was as the title says design to instruct on the ways of and methods of controlling underlings. It was a strange class because I had five teachers and many of their lessens clashed.

Mother always said to be open and honest with your subordinates and treat them with respect. This will make them want to do you the same. Misato always said to fight along side your people. If you were good at it, not only would they have more respect for you, but they would trust you with their lives in battle. I made it a habit of trying to follow those rules and so far they seemed to work, but there were always exceptions.

Kaji... well, Kaji had a lot of advice, but very little of it had anything to do with anything close what the subject was. But I did tend to use his more than the rest. The former Section 2 agent used to tell me that I should always give a girl what she wants and always keep want she needs out in the open and ready for whenever. For a long time I had no idea what any of that was supposed to mean, but after meeting Asuka I got the picture. Probably wouldn't have survived this long without it.

Professor Fuyutsuki used to tell me that I should never get caught up in situations that I would regret later, but then he'd turn right back around and say with a smile that when I did get caught up in situations that I'll regret later that I don't do things that I'll regret further. I understood that one easy enough, but I never staid for the rest of his speech. There's only so many times you can listen to an old man rant on about how much Rahxephon was a rip off of his precious Evangelion.

Man, for a guy who looks and talks like some gentle weathered old proffesor, oh wait, he was, anyway, you'd be surprised at how many curse words he could throw out in one sentence. Plus he's an inventive reader so he knows a lot more words than you so you never hear any of the usual stuff, only whatever bizarre intellectually spite and spittle filled phrases that his perverse mind could come up with.

And yes perverse. Have you seen some of the Eva merchandise that Nerv is peddling out. It's almost as if they changed their logo to 'Devil is in his hell and he's looking for an instant nosebleed.'

Father...

Well, Father told me as a kid to always watch out for Angels. He said they were bastards and if you didn't get them, they'd turn you into this yellow goop or something, I think he called it LCl. I wasn't paying attention. I mean come on? Angels? Whatever.

But when he wasn't raving over how angels sucked and that the 4th or the fifth, I'm not sure, looked like some perverted squid with multiple dildos coming out of it. I had to remind him that he was the one who drew that one for his manga and that I didn't care about his stupid show. Of course I never said this like that back then, but I did leave notes, lots of angry notes.

Sometimes, there were these's.... incidents that happened that always brought my father to my room. Nerv has a lot of sexy looking female employees and sometimes I'd write myself a note so I could add them to the 'hot list'. Unfortunately I had a habit of writing down why I felt they deserved to be on the list and I'd sometimes go into a little more detail than necessary.

Of course this wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that I am a professional Baka and would lose these little notes around Nerv Inc. I knew I'd lost a note when all the male employees I saw would give me these sly smiles and weird phrase like 'Yo man, your right. I'd say it's a more of a 5 or maybe a 6' when I passed them in the halls.

My mind was always trying to figure out what 'it' was but then every female I'd see would promptly slap me for being a perv or asked why they weren't on the list. Eventually both sexes began to hedge bets on who'd be on the list and would go to all kinds of trouble trying to find it.

For the girls, I guess it was a popularity thing. if you could get the bosses introverted son to get out of his shell and notice you then you had to be hot. For the guys...well I'm not going to get into that. Let's just say the guys little bets were of a different nature.

Thankfully mother never found anyone of them but father did and when he'd make one of his surprise visits - and I do mean surprise. He could never just open the door -screw knocking, but he always either just busted in the place or sneak in like some devious fiend and call me out with that deadpan of his. I swear to you, that - shit - is - freaky. Do you know how many times I've pissed my pants from him doing that?

Every time, no lie. Which is probably why he continued to do it, all the while laughing behind those damn shades and that stupid cold, bastard mask of his.

Which is also probably one of the many reasons why I hate that bastard, but anyway.

The devil used to tell me that you have two types of underlings, and he always called them underlings, the dominate and those who want to be dominated. Most men believe themselves to be the former, but most are the latter. Women on the other hand are both and can even be so at the same time. That made all the sense of a squirrel going postal because some rodent stole his nuts.

And for those that need it, get your minds out of the gutter. ... 'stole his nuts.' you're all a bunch of perverts.

At any rate... I mulled over his advice a lot during our little walks in the park. Mother was an addict for the scenery and so always dragged us along, literally sometimes. Passers by would always comment on how much father and I seemed so much alike, replying with something close to 'Ah, look at that. Like father like son' or some such and we would always retort with 'Suck dick and rot, bitch!' or the like, which mother in turn would add with 'Stop being a Baka you Bakas!" and make us apologize, which we did.

So with apologetic mumbles and murderous deadpans, we expressed our regret and soon they expressed theirs to the Section 2 Agents who father had pick them up after mother had left.

What any of this had to do with my 'hot list' or why he always snuck in my room like that was beyond me. But it was just something that happened that I just had to take for what it was. Whatever it was.

"Oww! That hurt damnit!" The blow to the back of my head was reminiscent of one of mothers. But the voice was not.

"Then maybe you'll decide to pay attention next time and quit sending us into flashbacks." The Commander said as he stepped back to his earlier pose and everyone else held back their giggles. I was already planning on helping them with that. I knew of a certain chrome object that would fit perfectly down their bastard throats.

...wait a minute.

"How do you know about the flashbacks?" I questioned father. He couldn't possibly know about those.

"This is Nerv, we have a piece of just about everything. Our 6 tax on flashbacks is one of our major trade ventures."

"Yeah, but you aren't actually trading anything, so how does that work? You just have a tax on it."

Orange shades turned and glared. "Do you want to get shot?"

"I'm just saying..." "

"Third Child."

".. it doesn't make much sense that's all."

"I'll ask you again. Do you want to get shot?"

"No, sir."

"Then shut up."

I did and father's glare cut off the rest of the clan's snickers.

"Do you have anything else to report?"

"No, sir."

"So you attained the stolen item, but you allowed the perpetrators to not only get away but to activate the device as well?"

"Um, well... sort of."

"Sort of?"

"Well, yeah, they got away and I guess they did kind of activate it."

"You guess?"

"Um..."

"Shinji."

"Yes."

"Shut up."

"Hey, don't get pissy with me here. You're the one who didn't tell us anything about the damn thing. We didn't even know it could be activated let alone what it actually does. You've got no right to get all uppity."

From the looks of it he was getting pretty mad. Rather hard to tell when he never actually changed his expression. Not even lifted that one eyebrow, but I know the man so I knew he wasn't pleased.

Of course I didn't take a lot of common sense to know that if someone one got all loud in your face you'd probably be a little incensed by the end of it.

I also knew he wasn't talking because he was slightly surprised. This wouldn't count as the first time I've called him out, but those times are far and apart.

So my outburst was not just enough to get his attention but also enough to let him know that his next words would have to come with more weight. Cause currently, I wasn't taking that bull.

"And who do you think you are anyway, the Neo Willy Wonka?" I ended my little rant.

"No, wrong megalomaniac."

"Whatever."

"Um, excuse me sir?" It seemed Misato had a question. This could be bad, but then again she was the Operations Director, so I could've been wrong.

"Why didn't you make this one as fluffy as the other plushies?"

... Silence greeted her.

Or it would have been if we all didn't pull out our pieces and blasted rounds at her screaming to her fleeing form as she ran out the door that 'it wasn't a Damn Plushie you Baka!'

"Regardless of it's shape... " Father was saying. "the item has it's value and it's dangers. Now that its powers have been unleashed we must now prepare for the oncoming onslaught."

"One of the men who stole it, said that once activated it would make that earlier pokemon riot seem small in comparison." Rei offered in her quite deadpan which was far more tolerable than father's deep gruff deadpan.

"He is right. I am assigning you a new mission. Let us hope that you will accomplish this one with more efficient results."

"That depends on how well you... "

"Shut up Shinji." Well, damn. He just cut me off.

"I'm charging you with the safety of Nerv Inc and its affiliates and the destruction of Smurf Armed Forces."

'Smurf Armed Forces?' One of my inner voices was saying.

'The old guy most have lost it.'

'It's those shades, they've confused his mind, making him think its day time when it's not.'

'Who cares how, the old guy's completely lost it.'

I was hard pressed to come up with any good arguments to bring up against them. Maybe father was crazy.

... ok, crazier than usual.

"You'll have full access to Nerv's Armory and Section 3 Weapons and Equipment division's classified projects and all other divisions will fully support your effort. To put it plainly for your simple minds. I'm giving you full authority to do whatever you want, to whoever you want as long as you keep the Business safe and you deal with the coming menace. Do you understand?"

I had to wipe a few drops of spittle from my mouth before answering. Full authority to all Sections and the classified gear. Sure he just insulted us, but whatever. The old man was crazy alright, but I couldn't have given a damn.

"Yeah, sure, we understand."

"Then report to Dr. Akagi and get to work."

/BI/

We were in the employees lounge again which had been recently repaired for some reason, trying to go over our next move.

"I can't believe he just did that?" Aida was saying from his chair. Wheel chair that is.

"Yeah, me too. I mean, full authorization. Hell, we can do anything we want!" Aida's spiky haired counter part added.

"Yes, but at the cost of the Clan's safety."

"Calm down Wondergirl, we'll keep the place intact. But everything else is up for grabs." I could already see that some serious restraining was needing to be placed in effect.

"We should probably try to get more organized. We really don't know what we're up against." That was from Hikari, always with a cool head..

"Horaki's right. Those Care Bears weren't all that easy to deal with..."

"and neither were the pokemon." The sisters agreed. And now it was time for the finish.

"True. So here's the plan. Since it seems that we're going up against an army, we're going to need more man power. Kudi and his people should be able to help us out. I'll have to ask Mana if she can find some extra people from her end. Kaji should be able to hook us up with most of our numbers if needed. But for now, we should keep it small and simple."

I waited as everyone seemed to agree with my logic.

"Next is firepower. I'm sure Dr. Akagi will have something interesting for us to play with or Miss. Ibuki will. Either way we'll have to hit them up and then the regular Armory. Plenty of Ammo will be a must. And no more splitting up like last time."

Every nodded off to that one as well. The girls were still a little pissed about out last little session at Kudi's place. Luckily no one was hurt. I had to give the girls credit. They had amazing evasion skills.

Tuning back into the conversation I could here Kensuke going on about how they should go hit some Military base or whatnot for the goods, but Asuka wasn't having it.

"Is that right?" The German girl was saying.

"Well, yeah." Ken answered.

"Well, I think you need to shoot me again Adia cause I'm still breathing."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I was kind of thinking the same thing.

"What kind of question is that, Stooge? What didn't you understand?"

"You can't answer my question with a question! It defeats the point, devil!" Yep, this was going to get ugly.

"Whatever, you had just better watch you mouth Baka!"

"Don't give me that whatever crap! You come in here trying to give me some smart ass comment that doesn't even make sense, it's not funny and basically has no relation to anything and I stress ANYTHING with what we were talking about."

"Your point, Aida?"

"My point is this, don't come to me with that weak bull, alright?"

"Is that a question?"

"Did you even listen to any of what I just said?"

"What the hell do you think?"

"You are suck a lame."

"Whatever."

"Still weak, and you're supposed to be the genius?"

"Whatever!"

"Will you two shut up!" Idiots, I swear. We had for more important things to worry about.

The battle wasn't over it seemed and our true enemy was on its way. It was obvious why no one every said all you had to worry about was crime in Tokyo -3. But man, why couldn't I find better help?


	10. 10: Side Stories Like a drunk fairy

/Boss Ikari/ Side Stories

- lawless priest -

/10 - Like a drunk fairy/

My name is Ikari, Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Anyway, every since my 21st birthday, my father forced me to take the reins of the family business, things around here have become... extremely weird. But whatever, I take it as just another day in this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.

-

Akagi, Ritsuko

A name feared by all who knew of it.

Within the underground, her deeds were legendary. No one dared to compete against her devious genius that even seemed to surpassed the damn near mythical folklore her mother left in her wake.

And like her mother, Ritsuko Akagi's stories were told after the cloak of darkness and in quiet whispers as if those doing the telling were somehow fearful that the wicked scientist could hear them and would enact a terrible vengeance upon their unprotected souls.

Many of Tokyo 3's more malicious urban myths revolved around her family name, which was also used as a curse whenever a plan went bust or if one was out smarted in a very profound manner, she was always thought to have been behind it in some form, pulling the strings from her dreaded web in the shadows of Nerv's pyramid HQ.

Akagi

A name synonymous with the Ikaris, mainly Gendo Ikari, who was a legend in his own right, but in all honesty these two were mere students of the dark and were known only because of their blatant moral offensives.

Their names served as a smoke screen, a dark curtain that effectively hid the true face of the real menace, blinding all those who were caught unaware. But I was not one of them. I knew of the danger first hand. And during my waking hours I found myself offering silent prays to the heavens for the luckless unknowing fools that inhabited this city who were truly unaware what unspeakable terror awaited them as the went about their pitiful lives in blissful ignorance.

For the world knew not the horror that was Ibuki.

/BI/SS

"SHINJI SAMA!"

The absolute and supreme mistress of Kawai and the Sunshine Army yelled out my name with all the enthusiasm ... that word reminds me of orgasm every time I say it, of a three year old child who's mother just gave her a piece of candy with the promise of more, which she instantly became addicted to and now has spent the last 20 years of her life trying to recapture that feeling.

I don't know what any of that meant or what relevance it had to my current predicament but I did know that judging from the snickers behind me, the angry mumbles, the few guns being drawn and the sound of a knife being pulled out and ready for use that the trouble in the form a petite frame hanging from my neck that was too cute for rational thought was only going to cause me serious harm if I didn't do something quick.

And hell, the day just started. I mean that collective unspoken 'WHO. DOES. THIS. BITCH. THINK. SHE. IS.' along with the death glares from behind me was all the warning I needed.

It wouldn't be so bad if only Maya knew just what her mere presence was capable of.

I remember the first day I meet her. It was back when I was seventeen. She had just turned legal. This was after mother had died and I had begun my training with Kaji-san. I was still rather depressed back in those days. Training was hard but it helped me keep mother off my mind.

/flash back mode/ is it wrong to have a flash back in every chapter or is that standard procedure? ...probably noy. /

As I remember it, it was another routine day and Dr. Akagi had me scheduled for one of her sync test. I never figured out what they were for, only that it was for some new toy that she was working on. I had just showered and headed for the testing room with my changing bag with my clothes in hand when I noticed Dr. Akagi's silly grin.

I had seen that grin once before that day Father had asked her when the trash was going out and she thought she heard him ask her out. I myself was wondering what the hell was he asking her about the trash for anyway. I mean can you actually imagine that scene with him there sitting in the dark with his hands folded inquiring about the bloody garbage. I swear some times, but whatever.

Needless to say she was pissed afterwards when she found out the truth but that was the past. At that moment Ms. Ritsuko was the last thing on my mind. The picture of giggling beauty that graced my depressed being was all that I could see.

I had never seen anyone quite like her before. She was small, yet pretty, not boasting anything special, but her figure was dead serious and the bulge I knew forming below was all too aware of that fact.

"Shinji-kun, I'd like you to meet my new assistant, Maya Ibuki." the Dr. introduced us but I barely heard her. I offered her my hand while my teenage hormones raged as I tried to keep off the dumb look forming on my face.

At first when she took it, I figured her to be on the shy side. The blush she gave me only added to that, but then I noticed Dr. Akagi's smirk and the almost lecherous smiles coming from the other female staff. The guys all shook their heads and sighed.

It was around then that the Air condition unit came on and the cool breeze that wafted through the room seemed a little more sensitive than it should have been. And then without looking down I began to blush a red so deep that it rivaled the color of Asuka's hair, who I had yet to meet.

You see, back then we didn't have plug suits and the sync test were taken in the nude. Usually I came to the testing room in only a towel to save time disrobing in front of all of those waiting women before the test. I had learned that lesson the hard way.

This day was no different, but apparently in my shock I had forgotten that the hand I held out to Miss Ibuki was the only thing holding my towel up.

I was quite embarrassed about this and Ritsuko's full fledged laughter was not helping. But of course it didn't end like that. This was Tokyo 3, the most notoriously bizarre city in the world. It couldn't end just like that. Besides if it did, one of this would have anything to do with my explanation as to why I fear Queen Maya as I do.

Back then, before the PPM United ( Pokemon/Pocket Monster) armies had destroyed all of the other factions after the death of Boss Papa Smurf and the fall of the Smurf families as they were driven away, the Gummy Bear gang more or less ran the scene in the underground while the Smurfs headed things above.

Come on now, I know you remember the Gummy bears right? You know .. the gummy bears? ... They have their own theme song that you can't help but sing along to... they're usually on that ' Gummy Juice', always bouncing around and the like, real energetic type cats, you know?

Whatever, I never knew why but for some reason father had them on the payroll, but they weren't the only ones. The Gummy Bear Gang or the GB (who are not to be confused with the Gumby gang ) had an arch nemesis who did work for us as well.

The My Little Pony crew were a real bunch of asses. Always bumping into people but they never apologized and would give you the back two if you ever looked at them funny and let me tell you, those hooves hurt and I still had the imprints to prove it.

They and GB never got along and it was around then that their latest clan war had started.

So, there I was, standing in front of one of our new employees hanging all out in the open in shock as the rest of the female staff members got a free view of my valuables when the GB came busting through, bouncing all over the place with the Ponies not far behind magical horns flying.

/Earlier: pre flashback / Ritsuko's POV

I was on my way to meet my new assistant when Misato came rushing down the hall with a troupe of Section 2 goons behind her packing some heavy equipment and stopping at the entrance to my lab.

I was more than a little surprised of course to see such a sight in my own territory and not having anything to do with it. For a second there I had to mentally check to remember if I had some diabolical scheme scheduled for that time and even whipped out one of my new goodies just in case the purple haired wench wanted to try something.

"Hello Misato, anything the matter?" I asked her casually.

"Hey Rits, no, nothing serious." She answered back just as casually while she checked her weapon as she waited for her men to open up the door.

"So, how's life?" I said while inching slowly to a better defensive position.

"Oh, it's good, it's good. So... how's that whole you being an ass thing going for you?"

"Screw you Katsurgi!" she only smiled.

"Hey Rits, I'm locking down this sector until further notice, oh and I'll need you to stay close to us for awhile. Things might not be too safe around here."

"Why? What's going on?" I was still pissed. Like a little kid, always playing games.

"The Ponies are rampaging again. We believe the GB has something to do with it, but we're not sure."

'Well that's a surprise. And of all the days for this to happen' I was thinking but Misato was still talking.

"One minute we're getting reports of a new clan war and the next we've got someone rambling on about the pretty colors. I don't know what's the deal with the colors, but damnit if they're that pretty I what to see them too!" the major yelled, stumping her feet like the grown child that she was.

Her men wisely kept their mouth's shut and I just shook my head. 'That women will never change.'

Finally the door was opened and Misato's team headed in, guns ready for anything.

… but they never are, are they? Well, then again, neither was I. But seriously, who would have been expecting such a sight.

The S-2 agents poured into the room with Misato and me hot on their heels, but the when the highly trained military agents froze in their tracks we knew something was up. All I could think about was that I had lost my help before she could actually help me and that the Ponies and those damn bears were going to pay for it.

I even had a few newly hatched nefarious plans conspired for such an event in the waiting that would fit perfectly for this occasion, but I never got the chance to use them, for there she was, my new assistant, glomping three of the brightly colored pony gangsters with a good four to six Gummy bears squished in between them for all that they were worth …. And they all seemed to be enjoying it.

"Wow, that's so cool." One of the other staff members still trapped in the room said. Judging from the dreamy look in her eyes I would have sworn they were on that stuff, you know what I'm talking about.

"Um.. can someone explain to me what the hell is going on here!" Misato's cry went unanswered.

:Fast Forward to where ever the hell we were before. : Still in flashback mode /

WE ARE THE GUMMY BEARS!

"Dashing and daring, courageous and caring  
Faithful and friendly with stories to share  
All through the forest they sing out in chorus  
Marching along as their song fills the air

Gummy Bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere  
High adventure that's beyond compare.  
They are the Gummy Bears

Magic and mystery are part of their history

Along with the secret of Gummy Berry Juice  
The legend is growing they take part in knowing  
They fight for what's right in whatever they do

Gummy Bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere  
High adventure that's beyond compare.  
We are the Gummy Bears!

"No, not again!" I heard Ritsuko cry out as their insanely high pitched cutesy voices rang up in song.

No matter how many times I heard it I always found myself wondering why they had to trumpet their theme song everywhere they went. Always. The GB could never just walk into a room and go about their business. Noooooo. They had to let everyone within the stratosphere know what they were about, even if it was just one of them.

And God forbid you ever thought to tell them to keep it down. Hell, you had better be packing, I swear. I know it sounds strange to so worried about a singing stuffed animal, but just take the word of a survivor of one of their attacks. You don't watch to mess with them.

What really got me was that they could walk in a room fully intending to raze the place down, guns a blazing yet come in screaming their little ditty with wide eyes and a glorious smile on their fluffy faces like all was right with the world. Much like they had that day.

"You rock smoking donkeys are not worthy to be loved by Mistress Maya, Only we of the forest have the right!" One of the bears was saying. Judging from the extra amount of fur that one had compared to the others I figured him to be the new head of the GB, their previous leader having suffocated in his own bile after a serious late night binge with their famous Berry juice.

Let me tell you, that stuff has some bite to it too... not like I would know anything about that though, just rumor you understand... just rumor.

"Neea... And how you raving alcoholics expect to serve the Mistress when you can't even keep still long enough to hear what she has to say. If anybody here smokes rocks it's you Bears! Neeea!" One of the pony's said, and no one could refute what he said because even as they were talking the bears were bouncing all over the place.

. The Bears didn't seem to take kindly to their four footed enemy's comments so of course they had to counter attack.

Strangely, or maybe it was strange only to me to see a furry, fluffy, 'juice' jugging stuffed animal whip out a pistol from out of its furry hide like it was a normal thing and start blasting caps at a group of brightly covered Ponies with magical horns that they used to not only block the incoming bullets with amazing accuracy but fire said horns back at their little gangster bear counterparts while simultaneously growing new ones to block the next batch of steaming lead.

No, a gang a bears no taller than my waist strapped like they were ready to take on anything that came their way was a bizarre sight to say the least but to see what happened next took the cake.

When the first bear had pulled out their straps I had already dragged Miss Ibuki down with me behind the nearest computer consol. I knew what to expect and so it was no thing for me to reach in my changing bag to load up the extra piece I carried with me. You should never, and I stress the word NEVER go anywhere in Tokyo 3, and god forbid the halls of Nerv not strapped. I mean, seriously, that would be your ass and in some case quite possibly your soul as I couldn't put it past Dr. Akagi to try some of the more... darker arts in her projects. So as a permanent resident I was always prepared.

What I was not prepared to see was the newly recruited Maya Ibuki giggle ecstatically and running unhesitantly into the raging battleground unprotected.

It was almost as if she didn't recognize the carnage going on for what it was because she just ran up the closest Pony and tackling the thing, gloomping it on the poor thing on the way down for all that it was worth.

"Oh, it's so cute, I'm just going to take you home you cuty you." The mad scientist's assistant said to the overly cute creature who only purred in response. Oh wait, that was me, hehe, sorry.

Ikari!

I was on one knee, still hanging out for all to see, gun trained on the nearest GB in case he tried something while Maya was there, but she only paused long enough to snatch him up too.

Ikari!

In a matter of minutes she had two gangs who had been feuding for as long as I can remember not only listening to her every word but begging to be her slaves if only she would smile for them. Even to this day I still have no id...

Ikari!

What damnit? What?

"What the hell are you doing? And who are you talking to?" A pissed off red head questioned me from across the room.

"What do you mean what am I doing?" I asked while trying to take note of my surroundings.

"You've been ranting for about 20 minutes on the past and how Ibuki's some evil genius." The red headed girl was saying.

"Which you have yet to explained I feel the need to add." Rei put in as she looked up from the book she had been reading.

"Yeah and it's starting to freak us out Boss." Toji said while looking concerned.

"Do we look like a diary too you Ikari? Kensuke said while holding up a hand full of cards while he eyed them and Toji's and then mine.

'Cards, what the?'

"I don't know what you're talking about." my reply was meet with hearty resistance and a few stray articles lying about the break room back at the bar were tossed my way, most of them hitting their mark.

"Don't give us that. We've been sitting here listening to you while you rant on in your own little world." Asuka was saying as I set the empty beer bottle that had impacted with my frontal lobe down on the card table in front of me.

"And this isn't the first time, nooo. Sometimes we'll be in the car stopped at a red light and you'll just start talking about some crap that happened in the past with Nerv and your mother, Metal Mechanica and who ever the hell Haruko is. She had better not be one of your floozies Ikari, do you hear me damnit?" The German girl raised another beer bottle threateningly.

"Rei, put her on the list. Haruhara, Haruko. Find out who she is."

"Already on it." was the stoic answer.

'How'd they find out about Haruko? She has to be bluffing.'

"Umm. It's not that serious, guys. I'm writing a story, its fiction of course, about well... us."

There was a long silence after my admission.

"And why didn't you say that in the beginning. I could have sworn you were touched in the head Ikari."

Leave it to Asuka to break the ice. Guaranteed never to leave an embarrassing situation less than awkward.

"I would love a copy when you're done Sir" Sunja said from the corner while her sister nodded her head in agreement in the opposite corner.

"Whatever, you just had better make me look good or I'm taking your artistic butt back to school, wooden paddle and all."

... mental pictures, that's going to leave a mark... wait what is Hikari doing here, whoa, screw that! what is Hikari doing with that wipe? Ahh crap! ... hey, that felt kinda good...

"Quick day dreaming you bastard!" the resounding thud of another beer bottle bouncing off my scull filtered through the air.

"Ow, gomen!"

"Pah, useless baka."

"Can we get back to the game here people?" The spiky haired Section 2 agent asked as he drew another card from the poker deck while Ken checked his chips.

"Hey what happened to that Smurf riot that was supposed to go down?" That was from Ken.

"Who knows..." was my enlightened answer.

"Well, maybe this is the calm before the storm." The blond responded.

"I can't refute that so I won't shoot you." and Toji and Asuka nodded with me.

"Agh, what is with you people and violence? Always threatening to shoot somebody, I swear..".

"Agent Aida, how did you end up in that wheelchair again?" Rei asked from her book.

"Because your psychotic maniac of a boyfriend with serious communication issues due to a perverse relationship with his father put me here."

"First off, I don't have issues... I have problems and my relationship with my father is not perverse, it's demented, but none of that is the point and since when was I anybody's boyfriend?"

Click-Clack

"You refute the claim." I wisely surrendered. In which the red eyed woman nodded and continued.

"So I'll ask again, how did you end up in that wheelchair, Mr. Aida?

"Alright, fine! Because I was being an ass, are you people happy now?"

"Very."

"You ARE going to share aren't you?" The German girl asked calmly from her end, even though the extra care she was putting into cleaning her pistol that had been no where in sight earlier told otherwise.

"Our agreement is still in order."

"Good!" The supremely satisfied smile coating her face had me worried and the hungry expression on Rei's didn't do any to quell that fear.

"Um... ?"

"What is it Suzuhara?

"Just a question, but aren't we Japanese?"

"Well, yeah, what's your point?"

"So why are we playing an American card game?"

"Because American card games are fun." was my brillant answer.

"True, I guess." He replied.

"So, you in or not Toji?"

"Yeah, fine, hit me."

"Well then people show me what you got?" Ken said as he laid his cards bare.

"Haha, sweet! Strait flush! Yeah, get that money up, baby!" Suzuhara cried out, while doing a gay little victory dance in his seat.

"I hate you both with equal intensity." was the surly reply from the Blond Wheelchairer

"I second your disdain and raise you 20." I couldn't help but add.

"Whatever..."

"You know what I hate?"

"No, Toji we don't." I said with a sigh.

"Butt pimples."

"..."

"What's wrong with you guys?" The punk asked with a bewildered expression.

"Eww, butt pimples, damnit Toji!"

"What, you act like you never had one before?"

"Ewww Ikari, you two are sick. Don't ever touch me again." Ken said while the girls just shook their heads sighing and sweat dropping.

"Whatever. Lets get off that subject."

"Yes, lets."

"So, what happened to the GB?" Ken said as he dealt another hand of cards.

"Yeah, I've never heard anything on them?" Suzuhara was saying as he took a look at his own hand.

"Oh, they were way before your time, don't worry about." I replied while trying to decide if I should go for the flush or a pair.

"Shut up Ikari, you aren't even that old."

"Weren't they beaten back by the Coalition?" one of the sister... Sunja I believed asked from her corner.

"Yeah, I think they were, during that whole Anti-Kawaii thing, back when the pocket monsters were causing all that havoc." The other Kodama sister supplied."

"You heard about that, Megumi?" the surprise was obvious in my voice and the others immediately took notice.

"Heard about it, ha! We were in it." Sunja said. I did get tired of that sometimes, having to look back and forth between the two whenever I asked them a question.

"Yeah, the AK was really pissed at the SA and so they get all of the Families and anybody who'd help and waged war on them. But are you saying that this Ibuki person is the leader of the Sunshine Army... the Cutie Warriors of Hell?

"Yeah, Maya's run the Forces of Kawaii from the beginning.

"Really? Wow! I didn't know that. I would never of though she had it in her. Did you join the Ak Coalition, Boss? Which group were you with?

"Um... sorry, no. That wouldn't have worked out for me. Maya would have sent her pets after me."

"Wait, but you shoot Pokemon all the time." Toji asked.

"Yeah, but they're traitors to the clan so it's cool."

"..."

"Traitors to the clan? You mean Nerv?" Asuka asked for the confused crowd.

"No, Maya and her army."

"Why?" Miss Horaki asked.

"Yeah, seriously?" Her German friend piped in.

"I don't really know, expect that it was because of some punk named Ash or Dust or something stupid like that and this tramp name Misty. Or at least I think she was a tramp, as far as Maya is concerned she was. I do know that they worked with Dr. Akagi on another one of her weird projects."

"Some how he found a way to catch them all and that pissed her ..."

"Bullshit!" Asuka interrupted.

"Exactly! There's no way to catch the all." Toji joined her.

"Seriously, there's got to be about a billion of the damn things and they've got new species turning up everywhere. You can't 'catch them all.'" The German finished.

"Hey assholes, I never said it made sense. I'm just telling you what I know."

"What are you people talking about?"

"Aghhh!" Ken and Toji screamed and jumped behind the coach as the Commander walked through the door.

"Nothing, don't worry about."

"Don't worry about it? Didn't I tell you to prepare our forces for a war no less than two hours ago and here you are in your break room playing cards and telling stories and you want me not to worry about it!"

The old man's tone had gone up increasingly higher after each sentence and it was really having an effect on my people. They had never really seen father mad before. So I could understand why.

"Um... we, I... uh.."

"Enough! Third Child if you don't get off of your ass and out there doing what I told you in the time it takes me to shoot you, I swear I'll..."

The old never got a chance to finish his sentence, considering he was talking to an empty room and all. Don't worry Tokyo - 3 The Ikari clan is back on the case.

"Don't you mean starting on the case?"

"Don't get shot again Kensuke!"

"And don't tell me you're going to go on rambling again, Ikari? Damnit, why can't you just get a camcorder like ever one else and write your stupid story from that, geeze."

... mumble, mumble... stupid red head.

"I heard that Ikari!"


	11. Unexpected interventions

are there any Haruko fan's in the house? any at all? ah well... goes it's just me. oh and this chapter is dedicated to FireDragonBL who still reads my shit, no matter how lame it is. /priest/

/Boss Ikari/

- lawless priest -

11 - Unexpected interventions

My name is Nandaba, Naota Nandaba and ever since I turned 19 and my father kicked me out of the house/bread shop and got hired by that bastard Keel, aka Skeletor, I've had to deal with weird alien women, an ass kicking, slightly dumb flying TV set and other weird robots trying to steal my guitars, along with crazed smurfs for god's sakes. And it's only gotten weirder since I came to this whacked out city men called Tokyo - 3.

I stepped out of the cab with my shades on, my suit case in hand and immediately gave the sun the finger as I pulled my gray hoody down. It was hot, really hot.

"You know it's not smart to where a hoody in this city, kid?" The cab driver said as he leaned out of the window to take his fee. I would have given him the finger too, but I wasn't in the mood, so I just paid the man and went on my way.

I liked hoodies, especially this one. It was rather dark to fit my mood and long the way I liked it. I used to where a light cyan colored one back in the day, but that thing just had too many bad memories to go with it, so I had ditched it ages ago.

And my life has been better ever since.

But that's a out right lie. Hell, I wouldn't even be in this city if it that were the case, but whatever. At least I didn't have to worry about Medical Mechanica or the IIB getting in my way here.

..sigh, Like a fresh start.

A glance across the street toward my destination almost made me frown. Ok, maybe not so much as a fresh start, but more of a new direction, I figured as I pulled out a pack of Never Knows Best menthol cigarettes and lighted up.

In the end it was all the same, so I didn't hesitate to cross the street and knock on the door of the place.

'The faster I get this done, the better.' I thought.

A few minutes passed. There was no answer.

I did frown then and after a few unsuccessful attempts at trying to rouse the attention of the supposed people within proved to be a failure I opted for plan B.

A zippo flipped out and a man smiled.

'This is going to be fun.'

/BI/ Shinji's POV

"Well that was a waste." Suzuhara was saying in the back of the car.

"Yeah who knew that Mana wouldn't be able to help us out? I mean, she's supposed to be working for us, right?" Aida agreed.

"I was talking about the money I spent on that burger I just bought. I could have gotten two at that other joint for the same price and they had more stuff on their's."

"Shut up, Toji! You need to start thinking with your head not your stomach."

"Whatever man, so Kirishima couldn't help out, so what? The army probably has their hands full trying to get ready for their assault, so of course they're going to need her there with them."

"That's not the point."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Will you two shut up! I'm trying to drive here." I yelled into the back of my Skyline. Today had just not been my day. First the old man and then now this.

Toji and Ken were still giving each other weird looks as I glanced in the rear view mirror.

Bakas.

I gave Rei a look in the passenger seat to try and convey my annoyance to her but she wasn't paying me and mind. She of course had her attention out the window as always.

Whatever.

Mana not being able to help us out had been a real downer, but it didn't mean we were out of the game. We all just needed time to regroup and rethink, I figured.

Besides, Asuka and the girls had gone with Kaji to try and convince his brother to help out and that looked promising.

'So things weren't too bad.' Or so I thought as I turned onto the street leading to the bar.

Or at least where the bar should have been.

We all sat in the car in a stunned silence as we looked upon the ruins of our once proud home.

/BI/

It was hours later after numerous cops who were trying hold in their laughter as they interviewed us. They were all probably happy that the rampant crime in the city had finally come back around and bit us in the ass, considering we were the ones who usually gave them a hard time with our own bit of foolishness.

Now I was just standing there with Rei at my side as we ... I don't know what we were doing. I just couldn't believe that someone had burned down my place.

That someone had done it and that it was no accident was a given. This whole thing just had arson all over it. But who? Why?

We hadn't screwed with anybody since the Kodamas and I doubted that that Nagisa guy would pull this. That would call Keel's attention and he wouldn't want that, so what was the deal.

"Hey Boss! Did the pigs show you this?" Toji called from somewhere inside the rubble.

"Show me what?" I replied as I went to him with Rei following behind.

"One of the cops showed this to me earlier but I told him that it had been there so he wouldn't get suspicious." The S2 agent said as he pointed at something written on a slightly less burnt part of a wall as if the the fire had shied away from that area.

"I'm not sure what it means, but I didn't want them getting involved is all."

"It's cool, Toji. You did good."

"Are you aware of what is says Ikari-kun?"

"Hmm... it's English. I think. Hmm... F. L. C. L. P!."

"What the hell does that mean?" Asuka asked as she joined us with the other girls coming in as well. Kensuke had called them a while ago about what had happened.

"FLCl...? Hmm..." I thought out loud, trying to figure out what the weird acronym could possible mean.

"Wait a minute? Why does that seem so familiar, as if I've heard it before?"

"Could it be a new gang or something?"

"I don't think so Touji. Maybe it's..." I trailed off while the others speculated on the mysterious writing except for Rei who just gave me a silent expectant look, waiting for me to finish.

"Fucking shit!" I yelled out suddenly, silencing everyone else's conversations.

'Damnit! And the whole P! thing too. I should have known.'

"That... bastard!" The others were giving me weird looks, but I didn't care.

"Fooly Cooly my ass! I swear man! Agh, I am so kicking him in the balls for this!"

"You know who did this, Ikari-san?" Hikari asked me in that timid voice of hers.

"...sigh, yeah. I know who did this." I replied as I walked back outside.

"Hey, where are you going Third?" the German called out as she caught up with me.

"HQ." was my curt reply.

"Why, Ikari-kun."

"The usual reasons Ayanami, the usual reasons." The girls piled in my car althe while trying to coax me for more info without success, much to their annoyance and Ken and the Kodamas rode with him as he headed to the base.

"So, are you going to tell us anything about the guy Boss Ikari?"

"Don't worry about it Horaki, we'll deal with that later."

"You seem rather calm Ikari."

"Indeed, Souryu is correct. Your behavior is oddly composed, sir." the blue haired girl at my side joined in.

I didn't bother answering. If it wasn't one thing it was another.

"Fooly Cooly, my ass!"

/BI/ Naoto's POV

'Strange place.' I thought as I rode the elevator up the side of the pyramid office building, watching as the world slowly fled away from me. A feeling that I was quite used to.

Haruko had left me. Mamimi had left me, even Tasuku, my own brother. ...sigh. It's no wonder I turned to a life of delinquency, but I wasn't blaming them. What was the point?

The past was the past. I had a new future now and a new job. All I needed was a place to crash.

PING.

The elevator car chimed its little alarm as I put out my cancer stick and stepped out. It didn't take too long for me to reach the receptionist's desk and after a brief buzz to the man inside I was sent through those oppressing doors and into a room that would have stolen any sane man's nerve, but it didn't really bother me.

This place was not new to me.

"I take it this is not a social call?"

'As if. Who would be crazy enough to want to socialize with you?' I thought to myself.

The man behind the richly made desk waited silently as I stopped in the center of the room. I had always secretly believed that there had to be some kind of mental hypnosis, mind controlling device, spells or something in the room that always made visitors here only make it this far.

Or maybe it was a self conscious thing.

"No, I'm afraid not." I called back.

"So why have you come?" His tone was that old familar dead weight I had remembered from before.

"I need a place to stay while I'm in the city. And I might need some equipment." Had to keep it professional and to the point with this nut job. I couldn't let him sense any weakness.

"Why didn't you go to Shinji for this?" Did he just call his son by his first name? ... naw. It was just my imagination. But thinking about the question brought a smile to my face for the second time that day.

"He wasn't home." was my sarcastic reply.

"I see."

The room was silent for a while.

'Why does he always do this? I knew I should have just found the professor and asked him, but nooo... I had to go to the devil himself and...'

"Agreed, but you will keep me informed of your progress."

"Progress? And why would I do that?"

'So he knew who I was working for. Not surprising, but I figured he'd catch an attitude... ok, maybe not. This is Gendo Ikari here, but still, it's the principle of the matter.'

"For the usual reasons. Besides, keeping up with Keel through his employees keeps me up in the game." The Commander was saying as I felt the urge to light a cigarette.

"That just means that you don't know what he's up to..." I began.

"Naoto..." he called softly in as soft a voice as Gendo Ikari could get which of course sounded like a dying horse with a bit more bass in the undertone.

"... and that you're trying to use me to do your dirty work and..." I continued, my past druging itself back up at being another's toy.

"Naoto..." He said a little louder, just as calm as before, without even a hint of impatience.

"... you know how I feel about people trying to use me and..."

"NAOTO!" His shout was timed with the thunder of his hands slamming on his oak desktop.

"Um... what?" I blushed a bit in embarrassment. Guess I got carried away.

"You will do as I ask you while you are in MY city. Is that understood?"

"..."

"I asked you a question."

"... yes Uncle."

"And besides... you should have come to me first rather than that old bastard. Now, how's Kamon?"

"Father's fine." I sighed.

'Should have gone to the professor.'

/BI/ Shinji's POV

PING.

Asuka and Rei filed out behind me as we headed for the Commander's office in silence. We had left the others in the lobby again until we came back. There wouldn't be a need for them here most likely.

It was easy to tell that the two behind me were still angry with me even though neither had said anything to me the whole trip, but I knew the signs.

It didn't matter, though. Things would become quite clear soon enough as we made it to father's secretary just as the doors opened and a young man a bit younger than me came out grumbling about certain bastards and how the whole world was using him.

I didn't even give him a chance to look up before I punched him dead in his eye. I said once before that I wasn't a violent person, but sometimes, people just pissed me off.

"Oww, what'd you do that for?" He cried from the floor as he picked himself up but the gun to his temple sort of put a stop to that.

"Hello Naoto." I replied rather coldly. It was a bit of a struggle not to pull the trigger. "You know, they say two wrongs don't make a right, but the bullet I'm about to put in your head is going to fix 'everything'."

"Oh, it's you. You do know that its rude not to answer your door when people knock."

"Well that's kind of hard to do when your not there."

He smiled and I frowned.

"How's you head?"

"My face is fine." The blue eyed fool said as he rubbed the spot where I hit him.

"No, I meant how's your 'head'?"

"Oh... OH, fuck you Ikari. My head is just fine thank you!"

Now it was my turn to smile.

"You still have that Gibson EB-Zero?"

"Of course and no I'm not going to sell it to you. It wouldn't work for you anyway."

"Oh yeah, that's right. Your head's the only one that works, right Ta-kun? Isn't that what she said?"

"Fuck off, Ikari and don't call me Ta-kun!" His eyes were starting to glow with a reddish tint. They always did that when he was really pissed off and I loved to piss him off. Only because he was a whinny, annoying little bastard and no I'm not being hypocritical, that was a long time ago.

"Excuse me, but what the hell are you two arguing about?" Asuka's aggravated voice reminded me of why we were here.

"So, she's the one, isn't she?" Naoto said from his place on the floor making me only want to push my pistol further into the side of his head.

"What?" I tried to marshal the irritation in my voice.

A pair of sky blue eyes looked up at the opposing pair of ocean blue ones with a serious expression. "I said, she's the one isn't she?" My cousin's voice was all too calm for my liking.

"Which one, Nandaba? What the hell are you talking about?"

"The one you always write about, right?"

I just gave him a raised eyebrow out of confusion. Considering that both Asuka and Rei were listening with barely hidden rapt attention, it wasn't like I could just say yes or no and not come out with a bullet in my back and judging from the gleam in that punk's eye he damn well knew it too.

'I am sooo going to kick his ass for this later.'

"Yeah, Naoto, she's one of them." I figured that not specifying which girl would be healthier in the long run - why I thought this I have no idea?

"This," I said pointing to the red head. "is Asuka and this is Rei, they're two of my best people." I saw the slight up turn of their lips and knew I had just gained some brownie points.

"Yeah, but what about that hot one you said you were hooking up with, what was her name... Mana or Maya, something like..." He must have seen the rage in my eyes because he was off the floor and pumping it down the hall before my rage allowed me to comprehend that my prey was getting away.

My hesitation was short lived as my bullets gave chase, the blast from my gun echoing down the hall while I peaked around the corner firing at his fleeting form before I prepared to go after him

"Ikari." That simple word and the amount of ice put into the voices saying it gave my angry feet pause as I froze mid run.

I really didn't want to turn around, but... a man's got to do what he's got to do, right? So with the barest of inclinations, I turned toward to two women behind me. The tanned one was tapping her foot impatiently with her pistol tapping against her folded arms beneath her breast - and no I didn't put that bit in just to get you thinking about her breasts - while the paler one was in the process of loading a pair of pistols while still giving me the evil eye.

Both were calmly waiting for a response.

And so I gave them one. And as their shots and shouts followed my racing form I knew it was the wisest option.

"Come back here you coward!"

Like I said, a man's got to do what he's got to do.

Strangely, father's secretary said not a thing throughout the entire scene, but then again, I'm sure this kind of thing was nothing new to her.

/BI/ Naoto's POV

It was an hour after the incident with Ikari and we were all in one of Nerv's many Employee lounges. Except there weren't any other employees in this one because apparently Ikari's clan had claimed it as their own.

As far as lounges went, it was nice looking with its cream colored walls, black ceiling and maroon carpets giving it a spacious and roomy feel to the place that was all the more eerie since it was in Nerv HQ, which wasn't ever known quite well for its homely atmosphere. But I had to wonder, who would paint a ceiling black, but whatever, right?

I was in the process of lighting up another cigarette when I caught the eye of the blue haired Ms giving me weird looks. The red head's were more hostile so I made a habit of not looking in her direction. 'Why is it always the good looking ones who have the attitude?'

"Ayanami, was it?" I questioned the slightly older young lady.

"Hai." was her simple reply.

"Tell me, is he always so violent?" I didn't think it was necessary but I pointed to Ikari with the butt of my cancer stick.

"Only to those deserving it." I noticed the conviction her quiet voice held as she spoke. This was a woman who was very confident, but not in the haughty, arrogantly superior way her foreign friend seem to be.

"So what are you doing here Naoto? I doubt you came all this way just burn down my place."

"I was looking for a place to stay for awhile, so I came to see you."

"And since I wasn't there when you needed me, you just burned the damn thing down?"

"Yeah... pretty much."

"You've obviously been hanging out around that Mamimi girl too much. Then again the other one's probably worse." I could only smile at that.

'Ikari, you have no idea what those two are capable of.'

"You know,' I said out load questioningly. "you never did answer my question back at the pyramid. I'm dying to meet this Maya lady."

"No, I believe you're dying to meet this bullet of mine." the young mob boss retorted, whipping his pistol up with surprising speed.

'But Ikari had always been good with a gun, even though he probably still despises them as much as he did back then, when we were kids.'

/Entering flashback mode in 5..4...3..2.. 1.

... I said 1.

Ok... umm... hey you in the back, what's going on with the flashback?

What do you mean we don't have proper funding any more? Ikari's got plenty of money. What.. are you serious? So what's wrong with the equipment then? Broken? Since when? Then fix it you half wit! I don't care. Buy a new one then.

Yo, Ikari get over here.

What do want Naoto, I'm still pissed at you, you know?

Whatever, hey listen, your flashback crew is acting up, so get on it.

What are talking about?

Ask them, I don't work here.

...sigh.. fine. Ok, so what's the problem? Really? So buy a new one, we're good for it. What do you mean you can't? Just go and find whatever piece it needs to... Time machine? What the hell are you talking about? Since when? Who? Akagi? Rits has a time machine? Ok, ok, 'had' a time machine, whatever. So what are you saying? Really, so what am I supposed to do now? What do you mean you don't care? Are you forgetting who pays you? WHAT? You can't quit? Screw you, I'm not giving you your check, you haven't even done anything yet.

Fine, fine, calm your nerves. Just chill there for a bit and I'll get it for you. Punks always trying to sue somebody, geez. I said give me a second. I'll give you want I owe you.

Click, Clack.

I'll give you exactly what I owe you. What are you running for, I haven't even done anything yet?

/Exit pre Flashback mode / Back to Naoto's Pov /

Um... what was I saying before. Mmmm... I can't seem to remember so I'll just cover all of the bases. Ikari's a prick, he's a psychotic maniac, he's got no head for women and his father suck more butt than an elephant has dung. Hmm... did I miss anything? Oh.. and I'm way cooler than him and he wishes he could be me in his dreams. There, I'm sure that just about covered all of the important stuff.

"Yo Naoto, snap out of it."

"What, huh?"

"You spazzed out on us there for a bit."

"Oh... I guess I was too lost in how much of a lame you still are after all these years."

"Righttt... this coming from the cat who let every woman in his life run him like a cheap gym mat the majority of his childhood and why the hell are you people all giving me those looks? Anyone of you got something to say? Thought so."

"Ha, that's funny coming from you Ikari considering how back in the old days you would have been too afraid to sneeze without someone else's permission. Oh wow, give a kid a gun, a body guard and a few million and they think they're a Mob Boss."

"I am a Mob Boss you baka!"

"Right, you keep telling yourself that."

"Whatever! I didn't come all the way over here to listen to you two idiots bash each other. We have work to do Ikari, so lets get to it." The red head cried with her hands on her shapely hips. I could easily see what Ikari found so appealing in her. I knew she was the one he always wrote about the first time I saw her.

But that girl Rei was a mystery. Why didn't he ever say anything about her.

While I was musing to myself the Ikari clan was in full work mode as every one of them sat around the large lounge table trading notes and plans. Plans for what I had no clue, but I needed to be on my way as well.

"I'll have to get back to you later Ikari. I've got to meet somebody."

"Whatever Ta-kun." He replied with a lazy wave of his hand while he listened to the Hikari girl go on about... smurfs? Weird people.

"Don't call me Ta-kun you bastard!" I said on my way out, but he didn't hear me, and I really didn't care.

/BI/

"You're late." were my contact's first words as I exited my car which was actually one or Ikari's but we're family right? So who cares? Him, no doubt, but whatever.

"And you're a weirdo, what's new?" Truthfully I wasn't in the mood for his usual wise cracks. That warm smirk of his always had a way of pissing me off.

"So what do you want Nagisa?"

The night was young, I was fresh in town and the freaks were already out. I never understood what people found so appealing about this whacked out city Tokyo - 3. But I was sure to have blast with Ikari around.

/AN: thing should pick up next chapter, so don't be disappointed this time around. /AN

/priest/


End file.
